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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27920296">Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asimi_Shadowborn/pseuds/Asimi_Shadowborn'>Asimi_Shadowborn</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Background IwaOi - Freeform, Idiots to friends to lovers, M/M, Magic, Meme team shenanigans, Mental Health Issues, No kyoutani's were permanently harmed in the making of this fic, Their eyes shine like the way Aang's do in ATLA, Watari doesn't have time for Yahaba's denial, Weekly Updates, a sprinkle of kinkuni, background aofuta, background matsuhana - Freeform, i only write happy endings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 20:02:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>30,672</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27920296</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asimi_Shadowborn/pseuds/Asimi_Shadowborn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>'He is just starting to realize how awkward acting on this new order is going to be, when it feels like someone runs their fingers through his hair. Goosebumps rise on Yahaba’s neck as what seems like a ghost glides its fingertips from the top of his head down to the bottom of his neck. For a second, he is sure he can see something flash golden from the corner of his right eye, and he stares at the gym, startled. But when he turns around, there’s only Kyoutani, looking as pissed off as usual, surrounded by teammates picking up stray balls as slowly as they can while acting like they aren’t trying their damnest to catch a snippet of the conversation.'</em>
</p>
<p>Forced team bonding, meddling third-years, and superpowered teenagers. What could go wrong?</p>
<p>(fanart/commissioned art gets linked in the notes of the corresponding chapters! :D 💚)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kyoutani Kentarou/Yahaba Shigeru</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>154</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. All you need</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/aplasticbagintheocean/gifts">aplasticbagintheocean</a>.</li>



    </ul><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>
  <em>Yahaba dismisses his earlier annoyance with a sigh, turning around to pick up the stray volleyball he dropped earlier, and gets ready to pass it to a still scowling Kyoutani.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>‘Who cares what the Mad Dog does, anyway? Certainly not Shigeru.’</em>
</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey hey hey! :D<br/>I am back with yet another Kyouhaba work! ^^<br/>I actually wrote this fic /before/ the last fic I posted, about Semishira, but it took me a while to correct it and send it to my beta, Annemoon (who is honestly the loveliest of women and is the reason I'm able to start uploading this on Kyoutani's birthday! ^^) - HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO KENTAROU!!!<br/>I dedicate this work to the lovely Leni! ^^ I'm super happy that I get to know you! You're a super kind and all-around wonderful person, and I hope that you'll grow to love yourself as much as I and others do too! 💚<br/>You can check out Leni's art at <a href="https://twitter.com/_lf24">Twitter</a> &amp; <a href="https://leninille.tumblr.com/">Tumblr</a><br/>Enjoy!</p><p>Ps: For those who have forgotten: Dateko’s coach = Oiwake Takurō &amp; Dateko’s manager = Nametsu Mai</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=emkLsY0EEz4&amp;ab_channel=MartinLukeBrown-Topic">Martin Luke Brown - Grit Your Teeth</a>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>“Hold on tight, it's a long long night if you wanna get to where you wanna go.</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>So grit your teeth, I could be all you need.</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>'Til you get there, I won't give up.”</em> </strong>
</p>
<hr/><p>“Chill out, Shigeru. He’ll run away again if you keep glaring like that.”</p><p>“Well, <strong><em>good riddance.</em></strong>”</p><p>Yahaba’s oldest memory of Kyoutani is of the two of them scowling at each other in their first year – a red welt on both their foreheads from when they tried to enter the gym at the same time; both of them convinced the other boy would let them go first. The thought had hit Yahaba then, as he let his eyes roam over the bumblebee-like hairdo. <em>‘I don’t like you.’</em></p><p>It’s in honour of that memory that he does the same now – narrowing his eyes as he glares at that stubborn face from behind Oikawa and Iwaizumi, who are discussing whether Kyoutani can rejoin the team or not. He has no time for teammates who are untrustworthy. Who <strong><em>leave.</em></strong></p><p>He tells Watari so, but the libero simply shrugs – far less concerned about this whole ordeal than Yahaba, as he is with everything.</p><p>“He came back. Isn’t that what matters?”</p><p>Yahaba’s annoyed response of “he’ll slow us down”, gets interrupted when Oikawa pipes up in front of them.</p><p>“Those are not the moves of someone who hasn’t been training.”</p><p>Shigeru’s scowl deepens, and he shrugs his shoulders in an effort to rid himself of Watari, who is attempting to give him calming pats on the back.</p><p>“It’s been so long, man? You’ve gotta give it a chance. You never know, maybe he’s changed during his months as a volleyball recluse?”</p><p>Shigeru huffs, straightening his back as he listens carefully while Oikawa enlightens the team as to what’s about to happen next. He lets his gaze drift left, away from Oikawa’s eyes, as his senpai starts to explain how they’ll include Kyoutani in practices again, from now on.</p><p>When Yahaba looks over the setter’s shoulder, he discovers the only other face around that looks just as annoyed by this development as he is. <strong><em>How</em></strong> does it make any sense at all that <strong><em>Kyoutani</em></strong> is scowling, when he should be grateful to have gotten another chance at joining the team?</p><p><em>‘No,’ </em>Shigeru thinks, shaking his head a little as he looks Kentarou right in the eye with an identical grimace, <em>‘Watari is wrong. This will never change.’</em></p><p>*</p><p>It takes Yahaba less than 5 days for him to start questioning his own sanity.</p><p>It’s clear who he has to thank for this recent decline in mental peace, even though Watari would probably argue that he’s never been peaceful to begin with (the jackass). But really, it <strong><em>is</em></strong> Kyoutani’s fault. Yahaba has been ignoring him as much as possible, but there’s only so much you can do when you’re forced to practice together 10 times a week.</p><p>Yahaba’s efforts of holding himself back (instead of throwing all his accusations right into Kyoutani’s grumpy face), have transformed into a perpetual headache that shows up every time they have to work together. But to make matters even worse, he has recently started to feel paranoid as well.</p><p>A perfect example of his growing paranoia presents itself during morning practice. Shigeru bites his tongue as Kyoutani scoffs at his instructions <strong><em>yet again. </em></strong>He turns his back on the blonde, trying his hardest to refrain from tearing his own hair out in frustration, when he feels someone <strong><em>really</em></strong> pull out some of his hair.</p><p>Yahaba hisses – one arm waving as he tries to protect the back of his head with the other. He whirls around, ready to confront whoever is standing behind him (even though he has a pretty good guess), only to stand there gawking when it turns out all of his team members are standing at least several metres away, all of them focussed on doing drills. He is so confused that he forgets to be angry – his shoulders untensing as he shakes his head in bewilderment.</p><p>Yahaba dismisses his earlier annoyance with a sigh, turning around to pick up the stray volleyball he dropped earlier, and gets ready to pass it to a still scowling Kyoutani.</p><p>
  <em>‘Who cares what the Mad Dog does, anyway? Certainly not Shigeru.’</em>
</p><p>*</p><p>The only thing <strong><em>worse</em></strong> than having to waste hours of his day consciously ignoring another person is how badly Shigeru <strong><em>sucks</em></strong> at said task. It just doesn’t make sense? Kyoutani seems to be <strong><em>everywhere.</em></strong> It’s like he sensed Yahaba was trying to avoid him and did his absolute best to piss the setter off as much as possible, by merging into some kind of second shadow.</p><p>Yahaba snorts at the thought – forcefully dragging his gaze away from the bleached head two rows in front of him, and turns to stare outside of the window instead. He ignores Watari’s curious humming noise as he watches the landscape glide by smoothly past the window of their team’s bus. He’s giving him too much credit. Even <strong><em>Kyoutani</em></strong> isn’t shitty enough to willingly huddle up close to Shigeru, just to piss him off.</p><p>The fact that they are supposed to play every future match together, when the current third-years graduate, doesn’t really help much in avoiding his fellow second-year. It’s not like there are a lot of hiding spaces in the gym either. And Yahaba is supposed to be the second setter anyway. It wouldn’t make sense for Oikawa to switch with him and let him train with Iwaizumi and the other third years more thoroughly. Pairing Yahaba up with Kyoutani for most exercises just makes more sense. He heaves a silent sigh, frustrated with himself that he can’t even be petty enough to ignore the logic of his reflections.</p><p>To make matters even worse, a small part of Yahaba does notice how much smoother the entire team operates now that <strong><em>‘Bumblebee’ </em></strong>has returned. Which is weird, seeing how the two of them have never had as many arguments during practice as they do nowadays. Maybe it’s a subconscious ‘team thing’? Like all of them are trying to prove how much better life is, when you work together every now and then?</p><p>Does it really matter, though? For some weird reason, the presence of Kyoutani’s stubborn glare and selfish spiking style seems to bring the group closer together. It’s as if they’re building up to become a wave that will collapse on top of the wing spiker; dragging him along with their movements until he can’t resist the current’s pull any longer. It’s almost funny how much work everyone is putting in, seeing how the blonde struggles and argues at every opportunity and has likely never heard of either teamwork or trust before.</p><p>Shigeru is finally shaken from his thoughts when their bus stops at the parking lot of Date Tech High. Yahaba flushes, happy that Watari’s Gift isn’t the ability to read minds. Not that he’d be able to use it without Yahaba knowing, of course, but it’s the thought that counts. He ignores Shinji’s inquisitive gaze. Normally, Yahaba would just tell him what he was thinking about – but something about admitting that he spent the entire 45-minute bus ride considering (and mentally shit-talking) his grumpy team member just feels… strange, for some reason.</p><p>Sadly enough, not even the novelty of walking around unfamiliar school grounds can get Shigeru to stop noticing Kyoutani’s presence behind him. If they had still been at Seijoh, then maybe he’d just have stared at Kyoutani until the boy barked some sort of rude question in response, just to rile him up. Ignoring the wing spiker is always easier whenever Shigeru gets angry.</p><p>As it is, he has to listen to Matsukawa and Hanamaki pestering his fellow second-year instead of Yahaba himself, as they used to. He has yet to decide whether this is a preferable outcome or not.</p><p>“Ah, but you’ll make a fine mini-ace, Kyouken.”</p><p>“You should call ‘im Kyou-chan though, Matsun.” Hanamaki moves out of the way faster than expected, dodging Kyoutani’s punch. “It’ll fit more with Oikawa’s theme.”</p><p>“We could try mini-Iwa as well? Miniwa? No, that doesn’t sound quite right…”</p><p>Kyoutani’s head looks like someone poured boiling water into his scalp – and Yahaba is a little surprised that there isn’t any literal steam coming out of his ears. He wishes he could talk to Shinji about this, but the libero didn’t seem to care for their senpai’s weird quest the last time Yahaba brought it up. <em>“You know how they are, Shigeru. I don’t think there’s any reason to their madness.”</em></p><p>“He isn’t completely like Iwa though. More like a younger brother.”</p><p>“Ah yes, like a lill’ goth Iwaizumi. I dig it.”</p><p>“What d’you think, Kyoutani? Doesn’t that make you <strong><em>smile?</em></strong>”</p><p>They are flanking the blond on both sides – Matsukawa talking over Kyoutani’s grunts in his chill baritone while Hanamaki laughs beside them, making it look like they have been best friends for years. These last couple of weeks, they have been able to stick around for longer amounts of time without Kyoutani acting out. (Something Yahaba loathes that he noticed in the first place.) He just doesn’t get it. They’ve been trying to get him to laugh for weeks now.</p><p>Kyoutani. Laughing.</p><p>
  <em>‘Why the hell are they so obsessed with it? Could this be the toll that being a third-year takes on you? What happened that made them <strong>really</strong> go mad, like Iwaizumi senpai had been referring to all those times he hit them over their heads?’</em>
</p><p>When, out of the whole team, those two had been the most excited ones to see Kyoutani return, Yahaba had thought it was because the blonde was so easy to tease. The following two weeks of practices had proved this theory wrong.</p><p>All Watari had to say about it was that ‘they apparently missed something, that week when Yahaba had gotten the flu’ (and had accidentally dragged Watari into his illness with him – something the libero still holds over him to this day).</p><p>“By the way, I’m digging the eyeliner, Kyoutani!”</p><p>“Yes! It really brings out the murderous rage in your eyes, darling.”</p><p>Yahaba just stares at Hanamaki back as the spiker dances away from Kyoutani’s punches again. That must have been one hell of a party Watari and he had missed.</p><p>*</p><p>“Not to worry, not to worry!” the nervous voice of the Dateko captain rings out. “He does this every time.”</p><p>The white-haired giant next to him ignores his captain’s whispered pleas to stop pointing at Iwaizumi, who is staring back at him, utterly unimpressed.</p><p>“Oh for God’s- Futukachi! Come help me.”</p><p>Yahaba shuffles forward, pushing Kindaichi to the side a little so he can see what is happening and distract himself from his nerves at the same time. Oikawa’s eyes are shining brightly as he smiles a little too politely at Dateko’s captain, clever eyes jumping from player to player on the Dateko team, analyzing them quickly and efficiently. Surprisingly though, he’s not the only one whose eyes are shining. Now that Yahaba can see the giant clearly for the first time, it turns out his eyes hold the obvious glimmer of someone using their Gift – an olive green hue covering the grey Yahaba can faintly make out underneath. It’s not as strong as Oikawa’s Shine, more of a shimmer, but it’s still enough to cast a greenish reflection on high cheekbones.</p><p>He stares, uncomfortable, as the light in Oikawa’s eyes dims – bright royal purple fading back into a light brown. Tooru is obviously done with scanning their opponents. Yahaba has never told anyone what colour their captain’s Shine holds, no matter how many times the other third-years asked him. Neither Hanamaki nor Matsukawa would have let it go if they knew. They’d already had a field day after Karasuno’s ‘orange kid’ addressed Oikawa as grand king.</p><p>When Oikawa turns around and instructs his team to start their stretches, it’s like he never used his Gift at all. The giant’s Shine doesn’t diminish in the slightest, not even when he looks down to stare at a sneering Dateko member who simply takes his wrist and moves it down to his side again. Giant-san is allowed to, of course, since they aren’t playing yet, but Yahaba wishes he’d stop. The way those green eyes follow their team as they walk away is <strong><em>unnerving</em></strong>, to say the least. In the end, he distracts himself by focusing on Oikawa’s summary of Dateko’s individual strengths or weaknesses that could matter on the court.</p><p>*</p><p>“I trust in-”</p><p>Oikawa doesn’t make it through a full sentence before he pauses, staring in confusion as Yahaba marches through the rest of their team to get to coach Irihata. He’s been keeping an eye on that giant middle blocker, and those eyes are still lighting up, even when the Dateko team is already waiting on the court.</p><p>It takes only a short explanation for Irihata sensei to call over Dateko’s coaches, shortly followed by a surprised looking Aone. It’s a weird expression, seeing as he has no eyebrows. Yahaba takes a step back when the middle blocker pauses next to him, subtly shielding half of his body behind Mizoguchi.</p><p>“Oiwake-san,” Irihata says, his calm but stern voice a much needed comfort for Yahaba’s soul. “My setter has come to us with an accusation regarding your middle blocker. He says he’s using his Gift.” Yahaba flinches as both Dateko’s coach and manager, as well as Aone, turn to stare at him. “Gifting during matches is illegal, even when they’re practice matches. Do you deny knowledge of this?”</p><p>“We do not,” Dateko’s coach rumbles in turn. He doesn’t look mad, more mildly amused, but his face is so intimidating that Yahaba hardly dares to breathe. “Can I ask how your setter knows about this, though?”</p><p>“Yahaba has the Sight. It enables him to see when other people use their Gifts.”</p><p>“Ah.” Oiwake’s face does something strange, which on other people might have been called a smile. “We always tell our referees beforehand, so there aren’t any misunderstandings about this. Aone can’t disable his Gift. But at the same time, it holds no advantage on the field, so he’s allowed to play.</p><p>“His Gift is Fixed?” Mizoguchi frowns. A small muscle twitches in the giant’s cheek before he nods. “What is it, then?”</p><p>Yahaba squints his eyes when Aone opens his mouth – a sudden burst of green light blinding him as the middle blocker starts to talk. “My Gift is Truth.” Luckily for Yahaba, that’s about all he says. Shigeru blinks rapidly, trying to erase the black spots from his vision. Aone’s eyes turn back to their half glimmer when he closes his mouth again.</p><p>“He doesn’t talk much,” Nametsu adds with an apologetic smile. “His Gift is triggered by speech. People are forced to answer him truthfully at all times. As you probably realize, this won’t have an impact on the game. So… Shall we continue practice?”</p><p>Irihata nods. “Sorry for the inconvenience. We can move on.”</p><p>Yahaba awkwardly walks back to the team, replying with a stiff bow to Aone’s polite one. He doesn’t react to any of the questioning stares the rest of his team throw him as Irihata tells them to restart the match, and walks past the group to go sit on the bench with the other second-string players.</p><p>There’s a slight pinch at the back of his head – a soft pull, but there’s nothing there when Yahaba distractedly runs his fingers through his hair. He looks down at his fingers in confusion, his earlier annoyance and nerves slowly melting away as he listens to Oikawa’s voice, ringing out behind him.</p><p>“I trust in all of you.”</p><p>Shigeru stares at the back of his teammates as they walk onto the court – yelling in unison as they respond to their captain’s statement.</p><p>On the other side of the net, olive green eyes shine back at Seijoh’s players. Yahaba ignores them.</p><p>*</p><p>Shigeru remembers standing in front of the mirror, 7 years old, and bawling his eyes out. His mother had come running at his screams, calming him down with soft hands and even softer words, and explained to him that his eyes weren’t ugly or creepy at all. Yahaba remembers looking back into the mirror – staring at those… <strong><em>things</em></strong> his eyes had become. For the 5<sup>th</sup> evening in a row, he had been trying to activate his Gift in front of the full body mirror; trying to find out if he would maybe grow wings, like Hana-chan from class B. He wanted something pretty, or cool as a Gift – something that he could boast about at school. Silvery white and pupilless, his eyes had looked like lifeless pearls, staring back at him.</p><p>It had taken weeks before Shigeru could look into a mirror without flinching again. At such a young age, learning to deactivate his Gift had been hard, and it activated automatically when someone around him used their powers. It’s well known that Gifts only manifest when their owner’s brains have developed enough to manage them, so it was more than clear that Yahaba’s Gift wasn’t all that powerful. That fact still failed to erase the foreboding that filled him whenever Shigeru thought about his Gift. How could anything good come from such an unsettling memory? In those days, it had taken a lot of practice and some visits to a child psychologist for the nauseating fear to dissipate. He’d never felt that level of discomfort since.</p><p>Until now, that is.</p><p>Yahaba bites the inside of his cheeks so hard that he can faintly taste copper as he tries to hold back from snapping at the coach and interrupting his speech. There’s a distant ringing in his ears, that only some words succeed to filter through. Things like “important for Seijoh’s future teamwork”, and “test to see how you’ll cooperate next year”, and “find some time in private to get along better”.</p><p>He’s honestly surprised that Kyoutani hasn’t yelled anything thus far. Maybe he’s distracted by the rest of the team, who are trying to eavesdrop during clean up.</p><p>Is the universe honestly <strong><em>so</em></strong> unwilling to let Yahaba have any peace of mind that it is now forcing him together with the <strong><em>one</em></strong> person he wants to stay clear of? Shigeru couldn’t even tell you <strong><em>why</em></strong> Kyoutani bothers him that much. He just <strong><em>does.</em></strong> Whenever they interact, something is always ‘too much’.</p><p>“Is this going to be a problem, Yahaba?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Kyoutani?”</p><p>Kyoutani must have shaken his head, and Shigeru starts to lose control over his scowl at the thought. ‘C<em>an’t even be bothered to reply out loud. </em>Of course<em> he wouldn’t. Imagine thinking that Mad Dog would care about teamwork or being polite.’</em></p><p>He is just starting to realize how awkward acting on this new order is going to be, when it feels like someone runs their fingers through his hair. Goosebumps rise on Yahaba’s neck as what seems like a ghost glides its fingertips from the top of his head down to the bottom of his neck. For a second, he is sure he can see something flash golden from the corner of his right eye, and he stares at the gym, startled. But when he turns around, there’s only Kyoutani, looking as pissed off as usual, surrounded by teammates picking up stray balls as slowly as they can while acting like they aren’t trying their damnest to catch a snippet of the conversation.</p><p>He turns back to face Irihata again, too distracted to feel angry about the coach’s plans anymore. Irihata sighs. “You two need this. As does the team. And <strong><em>please</em></strong> do take some rest, Yahaba. We need you relaxed, rather than tense all the time.”</p><p>Yahaba nods silently, his thoughts blissfully silent for once. He can do ‘relaxed’. He’s had to handle bigger issues than a stubborn wing spiker in his past, he can do this! They just need to work on their communication. That can’t be that hard, right?</p><p>*</p><p>They don’t talk for the next week and a half.</p><p>Yahaba gives Mizoguchi a weak smile whenever the coach asks how things are going, feeling simultaneously relieved and guilty when Irihata tells Mizoguchi off.</p><p>“Things like these need some time.”</p><p>He doesn’t think there are enough years in a lifetime for the two of them to work things out.</p><p>*</p><p>It takes another two days for Yahaba to man up.</p><p>It’s Saturday, which means that they can go home after practice, and this is <strong><em>the</em></strong> moment to talk to Kyoutani about their forced ‘bonding experience’ the coaches keep hyping up so much. The fact that he’s slightly taller is the only thing cheering Shigeru up in the current situation, and he uses the tiny difference in height to literally look down on Kyoutani as he clears his throat, mentally preparing to invite him over, so they can study together that afternoon.</p><p>He takes a second to run through all the arguments he thought of with Watari, ready to argue against any objection Kyoutani tries to raise. Not that he really cares, though.</p><p>Of course not.</p><p>There’s no reason to be nervous. Kyoutani has been instructed to do this just as much as Yahaba has.</p><p>He puts his hands into his pockets to hide his sweaty palms anyway.</p><p>
  <em>‘Would you like to come over after lunch, to study together?’ </em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘If you want, you could come over after lunch? I could help you with your English?’ </em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘Do you want to study together this afternoon? You can come over if you want?’</em>
</p><p>What comes out is: “’dya like to come? I mean to study over? English? And to lunch? Ehm, I mean-”</p><p>Kyoutani stares up at his face unblinkingly.</p><p>
  <em>‘Great. Well, at least he isn’t angry either.’</em>
</p><p>Yahaba swallows down his embarrassment and tries again.</p><p>“Do you want to come over this afternoon? To study?”</p><p>Kyoutani grunts in reply, and turns to walk to the school gate. Yahaba nods to himself. That must mean yes, right? It’s not much, in terms of communication, but hey – they have time to work on that now. And Kyoutani has never been afraid to tell people when he <strong><em>doesn’t</em></strong> want to do something. Not that Yahaba was nervous, or anything. Kyoutani kind of <strong><em>had to</em></strong> accept. The reason Shigeru’s shoulders relaxed is simply because this all went easier than expected. Yes, that must be it.</p><p>Shigeru is so lost inside his own head that it takes him a while to realize that Kyoutani stopped moving, looking back at him impatiently before nodding his head towards the gate. It takes another couple of seconds before Yahaba realizes that he’ll have to show Kyoutani the way to his house if he wants him to come over, later.</p><p>When Yahaba gets out of his stupor and catches up with the blonde, they pause to glance at each other in silence, before turning left and finally leaving the school grounds together.</p><p>*</p><p>It takes less than a week of after-school-study-dates for Yahaba to realize that, against all expectations, Kyoutani is… kind of nice.</p><p>He seems way less stressed whenever it’s just the two of them. This feeling gets echoed whenever they happen to eat lunch together with Watari – who seems to have made it his life’s mission to help them get along. Or maybe he’s just done with Yahaba’s complaints. Well, whichever it is, he’s very successful at it. Yahaba’s itch to strangle Kyoutani whenever he opens his mouth has diminished considerably.</p><p>He supposes most people would think that’s a good thing.</p><p>However, it quickly became apparent that whatever <strong><em>spark</em></strong> they each carry, that used to start every argument, had refused to leave.</p><p>This results in a more and more high-strung Yahaba, who can’t even hold an argument to relieve some of the growing tension. He supposes it’ll just take longer for him to fully get used to this newfound closeness. It’s kind of annoying and surprising at the same time that <strong><em>Kyoutani</em></strong> is the one who relaxes the most easily, out of the two of them. They’ve taken to meeting up at Yahaba’s house most of the time, since the Yahaba’s have a lot of free space and Kyoutani said his parents don’t mind that he’s not at home.</p><p>Shigeru is just about to pour himself a glass of water when the doorbell rings. He shuffles to the door on socked feet, taking in a deep breath before opening the door, right as/when Kyoutani rings the bell for a second time.</p><p>Shigeru winces at the high noise as he pulls the door open further, so they fully face each other. It’s the 6<sup>th</sup> time that they’re meeting up like this, and it still vaguely feels like some kind of fever dream when he stares down at a neutral looking Kyoutani, devoid of his usual scowl. The wing spiker in question is staring at Yahaba’s house clothes with an impish expression.</p><p>“Whose funeral are you going to later?”</p><p>Yahaba glances down at his all-black attire. “Haven’t decided yet. Why? Do you want to volunteer?”</p><p>He moves aside so Kyoutani can come in, ignoring how he automatically mirrors the small grin on his <strike>nemesis’?</strike>, <strike>acquaintance’s?</strike>, <strike>kind-of-friend’s?</strike>, teammate’s face.</p><p>*</p><p>It turns out that they work well together in more ways than just on the court. They mostly work in silence, only speaking when they want to ask each other about some part of their homework they failed to figure out on their own. The moment they start talking more often, though, it seems impossible that there could ever have been any kind of animosity between the two of them.</p><p>Shigeru can <strong><em>sense </em></strong>the progress they’re making, every time they meet up.</p><p>He has also noticed, several times by now, that he is starting to look forward to these study sessions; when they can work together <strong><em>without</em></strong> the noise of a wailing Oikawa in the background. (No matter how much Yahaba respects him, he <strong><em>can</em></strong> be a bit much. There is also the fact that Iwaizumi’s grumpiness seems to fuel Kyoutani’s own general annoyance. He wonders if it’s an ‘ace thing’ to be bothered by a setter who’s overworking themselves.)</p><p>Another unexpected change in his life is how Yahaba now has to ignore more and more of Watari’s jests. Despite being one of the biggest supporters of the ‘Yahaba-Kyoutani Friendship Program’, he also seems to find it <strong><em>incredibly</em></strong> funny and refuses to waste any opportunity when he can make fun of Yahaba for his stubbornness. At least Watari only teases him in private. Shigeru shudders at the thought of what Matsukawa and Hanamaki would do if they felt the need to take this role onto themselves.</p><p>At the moment, Yahaba is leaning against the trunk of a maple tree and tries to ignore Watari’s dramatic mourning of the end of their friendship, in favor of looking over his math homework again. He had tuned the whining out about 20 minutes ago, but Shinji is still going strong, so Yahaba lets him be.</p><p>“But you can’t think I could possibly let this stand, right? So I’ve been thinking, and since he’s probably going to try and steal my best-friend-privileges, I decided I should just challenge him to a duel and beat his ass fair and square. I mean, I’ve thought of arm wrestling too, but I’m afraid we both know how that would end. I’m sure I’ll win, though! With the power of friendship! And… other things! I’ll figure those out later. But I’m sure I’ll win, I can’t let him take the best friend spot without a fight, right?”</p><p>Yahaba huffs a laugh, staring confusedly at the 4<sup>th</sup> question on his paper, where he now gets ‘18’ as an answer instead of ‘-3’. He vaguely waves his hand as if to waft Shinji’s bullshit away before it can affect him too much.</p><p>“He’s not my best friend, Shin, we aren’t that close yet.”</p><p>It’s the first time Yahaba has acknowledged out loud how close Kyoutani and him have grown over these last few weeks.</p><p>He looks up when Watari goes silent, the libero now staring at him with a triumphant expression. Shigeru raises his eyebrows at the shark-like grin on his friend’s face.</p><p>“Yet.”</p><p>*</p><p>“Your mind; it surprises me sometimes,” Yahaba says lazily. Kyoutani glares at him, which looks kind of funny when Shigeru’s is hanging upside down from the couch he’s lying on. Maybe it’s the rush of blood currently stuck in his head, (damn you, gravity), but he can’t help but think there was a softer undertone to that glare as well.</p><p>The effect of his joke seems to wane rather quickly, though, and a grin takes over Kyoutani’s previous scowl. “You’d better watch out, I almost mistook that for a compliment.”</p><p>Kyoutani is grinning more fully now, clearly pleased with his retort as he spins his pencil between his fingers. “You growing soft on me, Yahaba?” His face holds the tiniest of smirks as he moves forward to write down the answer to the last of his questions.</p><p>Shigeru <strong><em>really</em></strong> can’t help himself.</p><p>Kyoutani reels back with a yelp when the pillow hits him square in his face with unexpected speed, seeing as the person who threw it has been hanging upside down for quite a while now.</p><p>He clenches the pillow between strong hands, his face flushed, and Yahaba feels like he’s experiencing a minor form of cardiac arrest. It’s hard to maintain a poker face with the way the blood is rushing in his ears.</p><p>
  <em>‘I didn’t just screw up our fledgling friendship, did I?’</em>
</p><p>Right after that thought, Shigeru goes through another slight cardiac arrest when he catches how Kyoutani is grinning at him in a way that promises swift revenge.</p><p>He doesn’t regret it.</p><p>*</p><p>At dinner, even his mother’s scolding when she catches the state of her living room fails to stop Shigeru from smiling down at his food.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey hey hey! ^^</p><p>This chapter was a shorter one, to get into the mood ;) This obviously means that the next chapters will be (a lot) longer - and that is because I cut them where it feels right to start a new chapter, and not at the point where I'll have 'chapters of equal length'.<br/>- anyway; viva la vida, I do what I want.</p><p>A note about Oikawa’s power:<br/>Tooru can see people's greatest strength and their biggest weakness by simply looking at them and activating his Gift. His eyes shine royal purple to Yahaba when he does so. If he's around you for long enough, he'll be able to see other strengths and weaknesses as well, instead of only the two most extreme ones.<br/>I wanted to explain the fact that he can use his Gift while Aone was called out on it. <br/>This is because Tooru uses his gift /before/ the match starts, and there is no law or rule that says that he can't do that - as long as he leaves the mental and physical wellbeing of the players intact.<br/>And since Oikawa is (more or less :v) a decent human being, he only shares people's strengths and weaknesses when they matter on the court; we would never spill the beans about the personal matters he found out with his Gift.</p><p>A last shoutout goes to my coffin buddy <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustCallMeAgent/pseuds/JustCallMeAgent">Agent</a>. I'm so happy that we started talking!!! Thank you for echoing the suggestion of me reaching out to you in your comments as well. ;) Adopting an introvert isn't always easy, but it is definitely worth it! ^^ Getting to know you has been one of the few things that have made this shitty year enjoyable, and I can't wait for us to share more about our fanfics and general lives with each other!! 🧡</p><p>I hope everyone stays safe!<br/>Use this note as a reminder to text/call someone and tell them that you love them! Let's spread some love in these trying times!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Reality check</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>
  <em>'The truth of the matter is that Shigeru is scared.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He’s nervous that when he finally does confront Kyoutani, his friend will deny it–  or, or even worse, won’t want to talk to him about it at all. He doesn’t want to prove to himself that they aren’t as close as he thought – that their friendship isn’t important enough to allow Kyoutani to trust him. Or maybe he would trust him, and still wouldn’t care enough to tell him the truth. Hope is a dangerous and powerful thing – Yahaba doesn’t want to lose it. An outsider looking into the situation might wonder why Yahaba, now that he has become so close with Kyoutani, is more scared of his rejection than ever.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shigeru goes to bed about half an hour later, pretending he doesn’t know the answer.'</em>
</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey hey hey! :D<br/>I hope that you are all looking forward to this new chapter! ^^</p><p>I want to point out that the lyrics that I posted at the start of this chapter match with two different conversations: Oikawa talking to Kyoutani, and Watari talking to Yahaba. You'll see what I mean later ;) </p><p>Random piece of knowledge: according to Shigeru, Hinata is right: bathrooms are dangerous!</p><p>A last note before you start reading, is that I HEAVILY! encourage you to listen to the song that I'll link here, before you start. I'll tag the link again in the chapter, where it's necessary. Next to the full version, I'll also link the part that matters most (it's only 1 minute long) - but it also was cut right out of the movie, so there are some bird noises and other shit that aren't important to the story + it has a more abrupt ending :p</p><p>Song links: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6bB0IjFSqM&amp;ab_channel=JeanYvesThibaudet-Topic">Your hands are cold = Full version</a> - <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M66-aDdb5OU&amp;ab_channel=GuillermoFloresL%C3%B3pez">Liz on top of the world = Short version</a></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=emkLsY0EEz4&amp;ab_channel=MartinLukeBrown-Topic">Martin Luke Brown - Grit Your Teeth</a>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>“I can see right through your pride</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>A stubborn kind of compromise</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>You still don't have to be alone</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>Never alone</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>I know I know, yeah, I know how it feels</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>Trying to be whole when you're still trying to heal</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>I know I know, yeah, I know how it feels”</em> </strong>
</p>
<hr/><p>The more Shigeru gets to know Kyoutani, the more he sees what makes him tick. He has never before felt so aware of all the new things he learned by interacting with the people he holds close. But, as often happens, Kyoutani changes this rule.</p><p>Most of the new things Shigeru learns about him aren’t all that special. They’re only interesting because of the person they’re referring to. But the outright <em>strangest</em> of Kyoutani’s quirks (and also one of the most annoying ones), is the fact that the blonde absolutely loathes to talk about Gifts.</p><p>When they talk about the Gifts of other people, he doesn’t seem to mind so much – but Shigeru has asked him several times about his own Gift, at this point, with an escalating pissed-off Kyoutani as response. This annoys Yahaba for several reasons. You’d <em>think</em> that now that they get along better, there would be at least <em>some</em> trust between them, but apparently not enough to share even something as basic as his Gift. He had thought that Kyoutani just wanted to be mysterious, at first, or wanted to hide that his Gift was something embarrassing. And even if that is still the case – the fact that Kyoutani seems to think of Yahaba as the kind of person who would make fun of him for it, kind of hurts. In the end he resorted to guessing Kyoutani’s Gift out loud, but that had only led to an angry Kyoutani and a frustrated Shigeru, so he stopped.</p><p>Still, it feels wrong. Gifts aren’t anything Taboo, and Shigeru had never encountered someone who refused to talk about theirs. It’s in their school files and everything – so what point is there to hiding such a big part of your identity? Regardless of his personal opinions, Shigeru decides to fight his curiosity by concentrating on the other unexpected things he learns about Seijoh’s future ace.</p><p>One of those facts turns out to be the apparently well-kept secret that Kyoutani is a giant <em>softy</em>.</p><p>Yahaba remembers bursting out in laughter, about a year ago, when Watari told him that he’d seen Kyoutani beaming with contentment after Iwaizumi senpai had patted his head. He hadn’t believed it at the time, but his current proximity to Kyoutani has allowed him to witness more and more of these moments first-hand.</p><p>The bristly wing spiker seems to melt into a puddle of positivity whenever people are kind to him. Yahaba often wonders if that’s one of the reasons Kyoutani is so distant to most of their teammates; in an effort to keep the others from noticing. But even with his best efforts, Kyoutani doesn’t always succeed in keeping them away. Sometimes he fails. Like right now, in fact.</p><p>Yahaba had to bite his lip to keep his sniggers from getting out at the sight of a red-faced Kyoutani – cornered by an admiring Kindaichi, who is excited about a spiking move the first year had never seen before. It’s absolutely hilarious. If you’d ask Yahaba; Kyoutani’s level of entertainment value increases the more the rest of their team are at ease with him around. Most first-string players now outright ignore his curses or attempts to antagonize them.</p><p>Kyoutani ducks out of the way – grabbing his water bottle in an effort to shake off Kindaichi’s questions and his enthusiasm alike. This forces Yahaba to unexpectedly stare at his own reflection in the window the spikers had so conveniently been standing in front of. It takes less than a second for Shigeru’s expression to turn into a shocked one instead.</p><p>It’s kind of horrifying how <em>fond</em> your own face can look, without you realizing or giving your body permission to broadcast these feelings to the rest of the world.</p><p>He avoids looking at any reflecting surfaces for the rest of practice.</p><p>*</p><p>It takes Kyoutani falling asleep during a movie – his head lolling against Yahaba’s shoulder until the setter gently moves it to rest against the back of the couch, for Yahaba to ponder how close they have gotten. In more ways than one, that is. The longer he thinks about it, the more he suspects ‘trust’ to be the basis of all of this.</p><p>Kyoutani doesn’t really let people touch him without retribution, except for Iwaizumi perhaps. The only other creatures he’ll touch where people can witness it happening are all the dogs he insists on petting whenever they walk home together. And even the dog-petting took a while before Kyoutani felt at ease enough to do so with Yahaba present. He must admit that he has seen the wing spiker sit way closer to Watari as well, but not exactly like he’s doing with Yahaba. Up until this point, he didn’t really question the feet in his lap when they’re playing video games, or how they sit shoulder to shoulder while watching a movie, even though the couch is more than big enough to leave some space between them.</p><p>This level of trust must be what it’s like to be Kyoutani’s close friend. It’s a little weird to think about. The fact that this newfound connection <em>isn’t</em> a one-way street, and Kyoutani might actually like him <em>back</em> does some weird shit to Shigeru’s brain.</p><p>When they started hanging out, Yahaba had predicted some level of awkwardness. At best, they would connect enough to start a friendship, but he still thought it would feel weird in the end. In hindsight, becoming friends took near zero effort. It was easy. A little <em>too</em> easy, perhaps.</p><p>Regardless of all that, it doesn’t mean anything. Sitting 6 ft apart from your friends would be weirder. It <em>would</em>. He chooses not to consider the way Watari and he never sit this close to play games, whenever the two of them meet up.</p><p>*</p><p>Aside from befriending Kyoutani, there are some other changes that are starting to show at the end of their second year of high school.</p><p>Yahaba’s popularity skyrocketed when people realized he would become the new captain of Seijoh’s star volleyball team. Despite the fact that he had Oikawa as his predecessor, and thus having a pretty stellar example, Shigeru still failed to take into account the level of attention this would bring to him <em>personally</em>.</p><p>“I think she’s about to crap her pants,” Watari snickers as he watches a girl with bushy black hair and bangs peek at them, half hidden behind a tree as her nervous eyes stay fixed on Kyoutani’s scowling face.</p><p>Yahaba sighs, relieved that Kyoutani’s glare is enough to ward her off at the moment. The girls who came to confess before were perfectly nice and all, but… “Don’t laugh at her, you shit.”</p><p>“Hey! You have no reason to start acting all high and mighty? Why don’t you just walk up to her and reject her confession, then?”</p><p>“I-? Why should <em>I-?</em>” Yahaba sputters indignantly. “It’s not like I <em>enjoy</em> the fact that they’ll have nightmares about Kyouken for years? You know how he is; if I let him be mad at the people trying to disturb our lunch, then maybe he won’t have enough energy left to be annoying at practice.”</p><p>“Ah yeeeeeeeeeeeees, of course.” Shinji grins toothily. He lightly nods towards Kyoutani, who is sitting a little ways away and is listening to music through his headphones. “I’m sure you are <em>veeeeery</em> bothered by missing out on all of these confessions because <em>his</em> glaring ass is too attached to you at any given moment. He’s literally scaring them away, like some sort of underpaid bodyguard.”</p><p>“Can you shut the fuck up?” Yahaba hisses as he feels heat crawling up towards his cheekbones. His words don’t seem to affect his friend much, seeing how he is still grinning broadly. Yahaba tries to hold back from checking whether Kyoutani is still listening to his music. He gets chills imagining the wing spiker overhearing their conversation and reaching the wrong conclusion. That’s a valid reason for checking on your friends, right? Yeah, it totally is.</p><p>“<em>So</em> <em>what</em> if you’re right? Maybe I’m not bothered by the fact that they stay away because of us sitting close to Kyoutani- No, shut up!” he interrupts Watari, who was mockingly echoing the way he said ‘us’. The libero is having way too much fun with this. Shigeru’s cheeks are burning at this point, and he feels himself getting more and more flustered as he searches for the right way to explain himself. “I mean… At least he saves me from having to tell them that I ‘don’t skate for their team’. That’s all there is to it. He’s not… It’s not like- I don’t know-”</p><p>A wave of embarrassment and the weird urge to start laughing maniacally seems to hug him like a warm blanket. It’s a weird and intense feeling, but not completely unpleasant. Yahaba makes the mistake of throwing a quick glance at Kyoutani’s back, who seems to give up on glaring at the first-year girl and turns his head sharply at that exact moment – staring at Shigeru like he somehow knows what the setter is thinking about.</p><p>Never before has Yahaba been so happy that he received the specific Gift he has. At least this way he can be sure that Kyoutani <em>doesn’t </em>have some weird mind-reading power he needs to be worried about.</p><p>None of them notices how the girl leaves them behind and starts walking back to school.</p><p>*</p><p>The only thing saving Yahaba from turning the corner and interrupting what sounds like a horribly tense conversation, is the fact that Kyoutani continuously fails to use an indoor voice whenever he gets angry.</p><p>“I don’t need your help! You are <em>not</em> the only Gift user here. I can handle it just fine!”</p><p>Shigeru’s teeth worry his bottom lip as he leans his head against the wall, frozen into place. He knows he should probably leave, but it’s like his back has welded itself stuck against the brick wall behind him. He can only see Oikawa from this position – the purple glow that shines from within his captain’s eye sockets casting an unearthly glow on the rest of his face.</p><p>Contrary to his usual behaviour, Oikawa doesn’t squawk or act insulted at all by his kouhai’s shouts. His voice is soft and calm as he says: “You have to stop using it. It’s not healthy to-” But he gets interrupted before he can finish his sentence.</p><p>“Don’t talk to me like I’m weak! I know what I’m doing!”</p><p>This retort confuses Yahaba, because there wasn’t anything condescending about the tone their captain was using.</p><p>Oikawa’s voice picks back up again. “That’s not what you should focus on and <em>you know it</em>. I’m serious about this! You should keep yourself more in check.”</p><p>It’s kind of hard to understand what Kyoutani is saying when he isn’t shouting, but he must say <em>something,</em> because Oikawa looks as focussed as if he’s standing on the court. There is a silence. Yahaba is about to move forward and just walk past them nonchalantly, when Kyoutani starts to shout again. Despite the way Oikawa’s expression has stayed remarkably neutral, the second-year must have sensed something anyway, because he suddenly bellows: “I DON’T NEED YOUR PITY! FUCK OFF!”</p><p>It’s as if the strength of Kyoutani’s anger finally tears Shigeru away from the wall, and he swiftly turns before almost fleeing back to the gym. He’ll just have to use the other bathroom. His mind is racing as he walks – conflicted about the conversation he overheard. It’s not as if Kyoutani had put in any real effort to hide his disdain for Oikawa in the past, but there had always seemed to be <em>some</em> distant form of recognition there.</p><p>When Oikawa returns to practice, he’s just as cheery as ever. Kyoutani doesn’t return at all.</p><p>*</p><p>“Truly. You guys have always been like cats and dogs. I know things changed, but you <em>had</em> to have known that this would happen again, right? You two are way too hot-headed – the peace couldn’t last <em>forever?</em>”</p><p>Yahaba scowls down at Shinji, who is lounging in the Yahaba’s’ garden – staring up at the clouds as he finally responds to Shigeru’s long rant. The setter keeps pacing up and down the length of the lawn, seething. It’s surprising how much harder a random argument with Kyoutani can hit him these days. He’s shaken from his third mental summarization on <em>‘why this is all Kyoutani’s fault’</em> when Watari suddenly says: “can’t you just make it up to him?”</p><p>“Excuse <em>you?</em>”</p><p>Watari just blinks at him, utterly done with the dramatics. “Stop being a little bitch about this, will you? You both know it’s just a misunderstanding. If one of you would pull their head out of their ass then it would all be over and done with. You’re friends now, right? Friends make up after a fight – they don’t just start them. Or at least not over this petty shit.”</p><p>Shigeru’s glower dims as he thinks it over. He has always viewed himself as a sensible person, but he has to admit that it’s hard to put your pride aside and apologize. That is a truth he doesn’t want to think about right now, though. So instead of replying, he asks: “Why are you suddenly so focussed on us reconciling? Are you going to make us a ‘get along shirt’ next?” His tone is a little more bitter than he’d have liked, but Watari ignores it.</p><p>“Because practice sucks whenever one or both of you behave like toddlers. And yeah – maybe I will. It worked with our senpais after all.”</p><p>This finally gets Shigeru to laugh again.</p><p>“Since when are you this much of a peacemaker?”</p><p>“I’m Seijoh’s voice of reason.” Watari says proudly, saluting the sun like a soldier would their general, before folding his hands behind his head. Yahaba can see the clouds reflected in Shinji’s eyes. “Just be <em>kind.</em> You don’t really need to have a ‘talk’ this time, you both know it was stupid. Just do something nice, I’m sure he’ll stop scowling. Who knows – maybe he’ll even smile.”</p><p>Yahaba scoffs. “Yeah? Like what, exactly? I’ve only seen him genuinely smile when Iwaizumi complements his spikes.” The next time he turns to cross the length of the garden, he notices Watari staring at him intently. “What?” Yahaba asks, immediately defensive.</p><p>“I mean… You <em>could</em> try that, couldn’t you? It’s as good a plan as any.”</p><p>“And do <em>what?</em>” Yahaba sputters, as he tries not to burst into laughter. “You want me to fucking <em>pat his head</em> and tell him he did great, just because Iwaizumi did?”</p><p>His grin lessens when Watari continues to stare at him with a level expression.</p><p>“Are you <em>mad?</em> Do you want me to <em>die?</em> He’ll kick my ass for sure.”</p><p>Shinji closes his eyes as he relaxes, unconcerned with Yahaba’s bodily fate. “He wouldn’t kill you – that’s too much work.”</p><p>“Ah, yes, as long as I don’t literally <em>die…</em>” Yahaba says sarcastically. “How about ‘seriously maimed’, then?”</p><p>“Are you saying that you’re too much of a coward to try?” Watari asks slyly.</p><p>Yahaba narrows his eyes.</p><p>*</p><p>Luckily for Yahaba, as well as his family, he doesn’t die that week. Even though he feels like his head will combust when he first tries to pat Kyoutani’s shoulder, nothing of the sort happens. He had changed his movement halfway – deciding to pat the wing spiker’s shoulder instead of his head, since that first one would be less likely to result in his untimely demise.</p><p>Oblivious to Yahaba’s internal dramatics, Kyoutani reacts <em>far</em> better to the physical reinforcement than anyone could have expected. He never swats Shigeru’s hand away, and he honestly doesn’t seem to hate it at all, so Yahaba keeps going. The first time he dares to reach out, the practice afterwards turns out to be the best one they’ve had in months.</p><p>It doesn’t take long before Shigeru <em>does</em> absentmindedly pat his head, only to stiffen when he realizes what he’s doing. Kyoutani always remains still while it happens – freezing until the last lingering touches of Yahaba’s fingers have gone. It happens so often that Yahaba gives up on trying to hide what he’s doing, and starts doing it in front of the team as well. Their teammates wisely decide not to voice their thoughts aloud, but Yahaba still sees Iwaizumi-senpai hitting Oikawa over the head whenever he sniggers too loudly.</p><p>It mostly felt like a joke, at first, but the longer they keep this… thing going, the nicer and more natural it starts to feel. The only remaining boundary is how Yahaba always positions himself to stand behind Kyoutani, or look away whenever he gives him a quick pat on the shoulder or his head. Regardless of the success this decision has brought him, (since Kyoutani has never been this mellow and cooperative before), it’s still too awkward of an idea to look him in the eye while it is happening.</p><p><em>‘It’s strange,’</em> Yahaba thinks, as he lightly runs his fingers from the back of Kyoutani’s head to the base of his neck. For some weird reason, he often ends up feeling giddy himself, even though Kyoutani never reacts verbally and never touches Yahaba’s head or back in return. The rush of contentment that Shigeru now feels so often must be some sort of… emotional validation for the fact that the two of them have become so close.’ A soft puff of wind blows past Shigeru’s nape. <em>‘Someone must have opened a window.’</em></p><p>He’s about to give Kyoutani a compliment as well, (something he still kind of has to get used to), when Hanamaki’s voice makes everyone raise their heads. Yahaba abruptly lets go of Kyoutani’s neck, taking a step back as he turns to watch his senpai.</p><p>“Yo! Can whoever it is that’s thinking about their crush 24/7 <em>stop it</em> for a second? I know that they’re ‘pale and perfect’ and whatnot, but it’s becoming kinda annoying.”</p><p>A wave of sniggering goes around the gym at Takahiro’s comment. Yahaba grins along with them.</p><p>Hanamaki’s Gift allows him to ‘listen in’ on other people’s thoughts whenever they get ‘too loud’. A more tricky aspect of this Gift is that it’s nearly impossible to tell <em>who</em> is thinking the specific thoughts he’s listening in on. Hanamaki had told Yahaba that he can narrate what someone is thinking if he wants to, but that he doesn’t know whose thoughts they are – since thoughts apparently don’t sound the same as your voice.</p><p>Hanamaki is the type to repress his Gift on a near constant basis, politeness and general human decency holding him back from willfully listening in on the people around him – but when someone’s thoughts are loud enough, he listens automatically. Yahaba isn’t quite sure what he exactly means with ‘thinking too loud’, but that’s how he described it. It had seemed kind of hard to explain. This often happens whenever a group of girls comes to cheer on Oikawa during practice. But aside from being a great party trick, it’s a rare occurrence that Hanamaki gets triggered around the team at all.</p><p>Shigeru regains focus when a volleyball passes close enough in front of his face that he could headbutt it without moving the rest of his body in the slightest. He whirls around, barking at Kyoutani not to be an idiot.</p><p>“You can just tell me when you want to restart the drills, asshole!”</p><p>Kyoutani, for his part, at least has the decency to look a little embarrassed for almost hitting Yahaba. The tips of his ears are red as he mumbles: “Y’never know, it might’ve finally knocked some sense into you.”</p><p>“You-!”</p><p>*</p><p>“You’ll be all shriveled up when we leave, if you keep going like that,” Yahaba tells Kyoutani as he lifts himself partly out of the pool, so his arms can rest on the warm tiles. He squishes his cheek against the stone for good measure – enjoying the heat radiating through his skin as he peers at his friends.</p><p>“Maybe he wants to turn into a merman,” Watari says thoughtfully. “Well? Do you?” he questions Kyoutani.</p><p>Kentarou shakes his head slowly, careful to not get any water into his eyes. He has been floating around while keeping most of his body under the water; only his eyes and forehead peeking out above the surface. It makes him look like a grumpy blond and black striped shark. Yahaba refuses to admit it’s cute.</p><p>“I was kinda hoping you’d get a tail, though, when we came here. So that isn’t what your Gift is then, I take it? I’m not sure man, you’ve been so secretive about it. I guess you’ll have to give a little more info to convince us you’re not some shark-man after all.”</p><p>Watari winks at Yahaba, who feels like someone just replaced his blood with cement. Shinji doesn’t know about Kyoutani’s touchiness regarding this particular subject. Yahaba never told him, since it had seemed too personal to share, and trying not to think about it kept him from being too curious and annoying Kyoutani again. But now he wonders whether it would have been better if he’d told Watari beforehand. Then at least he would have known that Kyoutani’s secrecy is planned, rather than accidental. He knows the libero is just being curious, but Kyoutani still hasn’t told Shigeru <em>anything</em> about his Gift or why he’s keeping it a secret, and a public swimming pool might not be the best place to address the issue.</p><p>He kicks Watari underwater, who frowns at him in confusion as he waits for Kyoutani’s response. The wing spiker is still floating mostly underwater, which makes it far harder than usual to read his expression.</p><p>Yahaba feverishly tries to find a different subject, in an effort to keep this lighthearted atmosphere from collapsing by pushing the subject once again.</p><p>“Hahaha, so bubble tea, am I right?”</p><p>Now Watari is <em>really</em> looking at him weirdly, but he gets distracted when Kyoutani finally emerges from the pool, the water sloshing against his shoulders as he says: “I don’t talk about it much.”</p><p>“Why is that?”</p><p>Yahaba flinches, wishing that Watari would just take a hint and drop the subject, but his pulse starts to slow when he sees that Kyoutani is actually <em>thinking</em> about his answer instead of blowing them off like he expected.</p><p>“I have…” The words come out slowly, and Kyoutani is frowning hard, as if the act of speaking itself is painful. Yahaba can’t believe this is happening. “I have… an… intimate Gift. Like – a mental one, or something like that. And… People don’t really like… people who have Gifts like that.”</p><p>“But,” Watari says confusedly, “Hanamaki has one like that, no? And everyone seems to like him just fine?”</p><p>“Hanamaki is good with people.” Kyoutani says plainly. “People trust him. And even then – he can only <em>hear</em> what they’re thinking, it’s not like he can… change it, or whatever. It’s not like most mental powers. His is weaker. Less invasive.”</p><p>Yahaba doubts he has ever wanted to ask a question this badly in his life, but he knows that if he pushes Kyoutani <em>now,</em> he may never open up like this again. The blonde should share this at his own pace.</p><p>“People are… They can get mean, when they don’t trust you… and say things that… I <em>know</em> that they’re just words, but they hurt all the same. That’s why I never share it.”</p><p>There’s a moment of silence. And then…</p><p>“<em>Damn, </em>dude, you really need to learn how to relax a little, sometimes.”</p><p>Shinji seems to misinterpret Kyoutani’s big-eyed expression as confusion, because he continues: “You know, being a little less… uptight, I mean. You should take the example of the third-years; like Hanamaki, and Matsukawa, and… Well, maybe you can skip Oikawa, but okay.”</p><p>Yahaba feels strangely like he’s watching a train crash in real-time.</p><p>“At least in the friend department, you don’t have to share anything you don’t want to! You’re totally right about that… But you <em>have</em> to accept that if people were going to drop your ass, they would’ve done so because of your temper or the way you used to shout at people – and not because of your Gift.”</p><p>“No offense,” he adds quickly.</p><p>Kyoutani remains silent, and Yahaba steps in to change the subject. Successfully, this time.</p><p>“Riiiight… Anyway, did you guys watch the match of Poland versus Argentina yesterday?”</p><p>*</p><p>By coincidence (or Watari’s meddling – who even knows at this point?), Kyoutani ends up doing drills with Hanamaki as well as Matsukawa for the next 2 days of practice.</p><p>It’s Thursday now, and thus far, everything has been normal. Honestly, Yahaba doesn’t know what he expected. He feels silly about anticipating anything to happen aside from Yahaba elbowing Watari in the ribs when the libero had asked Kyoutani ‘if he learned anything by now?”, the first time he got matched up with the third-years.</p><p>“It’s <em>volleyball practice,</em>” Shigeru mutters to himself. <em>‘It’s not like they’ll reach spiritual enlightenment by singing kumbaya together, or something. Why am I still thinking about this? What even </em>is<em> there to learn from those two?’</em></p><p>He is still pondering this last question when spontaneous peals of boisterous laughter suddenly echo around the room. Everyone stops what they’re doing to stare at one of the corners of the gym, where Kyoutani is laying on the ground, his full body shaking as he laughs and <em>laughs.</em> Shigeru’s mouth drops open as he stares at the scene, his brain refusing to accept that the rough sounds of unrestrained delight are truly coming from Kyoutani himself.</p><p>Matsukawa’s and Hanamaki’s eyes are blazing as they stare at each other in bewilderment. Yahaba wishes they’d stop. They’re so used to their Gifts that they sometimes forget to share their thoughts out loud as well. Their bewilderment quickly turns to pride when it becomes evident to them that they finally succeeded in getting Kyoutani to laugh.</p><p>Hanamaki is the first to recover. His bright fuchsia Shine dims down to brown as he turns around to shout at Oikawa, overjoyed. “See?! I <em>told</em> <em>you</em> we weren’t lying!”</p><p>Their stunned captain doesn’t reply, his gaze still fixed on Kyoutani, who’s eyes are screwed shut due to the force of his laughter – tears seeping from between his lashes as he tries to gasp for breath. His giggles sound almost hysterical at this point, and despite the shock, it turns out to be quite contagious. Others are starting to snicker too, and even Iwaizumi is grinning broadly through his amazement.</p><p>Matsun is the only one who is still staring at Kyoutani in pure wonder, fascinated by the wing spiker as the deep black starts to pull black from the edges of his eyes, his Gift clearly diming down. “God is real, Hanamaki,” he says solemnly.</p><p>In the end, their coach is the one who cuts through the laughter.</p><p>“What the fuck is happening?”</p><p>They’ve never heard him curse before, and it startles Kunimi into surprised sniggers before Kindaichi quickly moves to hide him from their coach’s glower. Matsukawa’s eyes are back to normal as he blinks down to where Irihata is hunching over Kyoutani’s body, weak giggles still rising from the wing spiker every now and then. “I… don’t know, coach. He just… kinda fell to the floor?”</p><p>Irihata huffs as Mizoguchi joins him, straightening back up as the younger coach helps Kyoutani back to his feet. “Probably a mild panic attack from the mountains of homework they keep piling on all of you.” He supports Kyoutani’s other side as they maneuver him to the other side of the gym, near the coaches’ bench. “I keep saying it’s ridiculous. Come on boy, you can sit over there for a while. Take a breather – you can rejoin when you feel up to it.”</p><p>Shigeru wishes <em>he</em> could have gotten a breather as well. He can’t get the image of Kyoutani’s grinning face, still blushing from laughing too much, out of his head. He finally gets why the third-years were so focused on getting him to laugh again. If he hadn’t seen it for himself, he’d never have believed them. He doesn’t think anyone on the team has ever heard Kyoutani laugh like that before. <em>He</em> sure hadn’t.</p><p>Yahaba feels feverish, like <em>he</em> has been the one rolling along the floor. He can’t decide whether he wants to get Kyoutani to laugh at his jokes like that, or if he never wants to witness it again. Witnessing a friend’s laughter isn’t really worth it if it messes with your focus <em>this much,</em> right? And there’s something else… An annoying twitch at the back of his mind – the feeling that he’s overlooking something.</p><p> </p><p>It's only later, in that shadowy moment between being awake and falling asleep, that it clicks. Shigeru bolts upright, the startling realization forcing the sleep from his body as his mind races back to an argument he’d once overheard on his way to the bathroom.</p><p>Oikawa hadn’t spoken at all, during the end of that argument, and his expression had been neutral at best. So why had Kyoutani been so mad to be ‘pitied’?</p><p>*</p><p>Once Yahaba realizes that Kyoutani most likely has an emotion-based Gift, the idea won’t leave his mind. It’s almost funny that <em>Kyoutani</em> is the one who has powers concerning emotions, seeing as he can’t even control his own, most of the time.</p><p>Shigeru’s current guess would be that Kyoutani is an Empath, and he was trying to convince Watari of this fact the whole morning.</p><p>He has dragged Watari with him for a bathroom break, and they’ve been arguing about the subject ever since they left the gym - instead of focusing on the oncoming practice match like the others. It’s their last practice match against Dateko before the Spring tournament, and the other team hasn’t arrived yet.. Yahaba knows they don’t have much time, and that Watari is nervous about the upcoming match, but this is <em>important,</em> dammit.</p><p>“He feels them stronger than other people, I think. Maybe that’s why he’s so mad all of the time.”</p><p>“I’d be mad too if I felt double the annoyance other people feel whenever you whine to me.”</p><p>“<em>Hey?!</em> Fuck you, man?! I’m just trying to explain what I think is going on? What do <em>you</em> think it is, then?”</p><p>Watari’s grin gets wobbly as the libero’s nerves rise. “I’ll think he’ll be ten times as mad as usual if we don’t leave <em>right now</em> and coach has to send someone to come find us.”</p><p>Yahaba throws back his head with his eyes closed – taking in a deep breath to keep himself from saying something stupid. He won’t get anything out of Shinji right now, with his friend getting more and more nervous the longer they remain in the bathroom. So he motions towards the door, receiving a grateful nod in return before he starts to walk into the corridor backwards, so he can keep an eye on Shinji as he continues the conversation. “I wish he’d just come clean about it. It’s not like having an emotional Gift is that bad, is it? We wouldn’t judge him, so what’s the point of hiding it?”</p><p>“Maybe he wants you to focus on Dateko instead of his personal matters?”</p><p>Yahaba’s spares a quick thought of their opponents and their white-haired giant. “I wish we were friends with that eyebrow-less dude. If he’d ask Kyoutani, then we’d know at once what he-… Shinji, are you okay?”</p><p>Shigeru automatically moves to the right, so he doesn’t crash into the wall when he tries to leave the room. He’s still distracted by Watari’s ashen face when he unexpectedly <em>does</em> crash into a wall. Yahaba curses as he turns around, ready to kick the door open in annoyance – only to quickly take a couple of steps back when he comes eye to eye with someone’s chest. A very tall and white-haired someone, who looks even more menacing than usual when he’s staring down at the setter who ran headfirst into his sternum.</p><p>A brown-haired head pops up from behind the middle blocker, resting its chin on the giant’s shoulder. It’s one of Dateko’s wing spikers, and he is staring down at them with a lazy grin. “It’s impolite to talk about others, you know?”</p><p>Futakuchi pushes Aone, unconcerned about the fact that his friend is still scowling deeper than ever, and gets him to finally step aside. Watari and Yahaba immediately move forward, happy to leave, only for Futakuchi to take a step forward himself and form a human wall – his shoulder touching Aone’s. They’re not any less intimidating off the court.</p><p>“You have to forgive my friend. Aone quite dislikes ‘spilling the tea’.”</p><p>There’s a weird sort of whistling sound ringing in Yahaba’s ears as he looks Futakuchi in the eye. <em>‘Why won’t they just move aside?’ </em></p><p>“That so? Sounds a bit cowardly to me.”</p><p>“Shigeruuuu-” Watari groans, “shut the fuck up.”</p><p>The humour vanishes from the brunette’s face as he scowls too, leaning forward to reply. “Gotta boil water to have tea. Kinda sucks to get blamed for the pain those burns can bring. The clean-up’s a bitch. You’re a setter, right? Don’t you think you lose focus on the bigger picture a little too easily? I thought you guys were used to thinking about others? I hope you get some practice in before you get to stand on the court someday.”</p><p>Yahaba furiously opens his mouth to retort, when-</p><p>“What is going on?”</p><p>Iwaizumi’s voice sounds from the corridor, and Watari looks like he could kiss him as their ace’s spiked up hair comes into view from behind the Dateko players. Yahaba is still too angry to be grateful at the appearance of their vice-captain. His temper tends to match Kyoutani’s whenever someone insults him. But he hates the fact that Futakuchi might have a point even more.</p><p>Futakuchi reluctantly walks into the room, making way for Iwaizumi, who looks relieved and annoyed at the same time when he spots his teammates at last. There you guys are! Did you get stuck in the toilet, or what? Let’s go.”</p><p>Iwaizumi starts to turn around but freezes, looking cross-eyed at the finger Aone is suddenly pointing at his face. Every hint of an earlier scowl on the middle blocker’s face had disappeared as he points at Seijoh’s ace.</p><p>After a couple of uncomfortable seconds Iwaizumi sighs, taking a step back and nodding at Futakuchi before marching out of the room, motioning over his shoulder for Watari and Yahaba to follow him.</p><p>“Let’s crush go crush ‘em.”</p><p>*</p><p>
  <strong>LiBro, (20:03): Ive been thinkin</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Shige(b)ru(h), (20:07): Well shit</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>LiBro, (20:07): Shut up</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>LiBro, (20:07): No, for real, I genuinely don’t get it</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>LiBro, (20:08): Why don’t you just ask him? Outright?</strong>
</p><p>Yahaba squints at this screen. Is Shinji thick in the head? He knows Kyoutani far better too, these days, he should <em>know</em> what the reaction will be. Shigeru quickly starts typing out a reply when his phone dings again.</p><p>
  <strong>LiBro, (20:09): I know he doesn’t like to talk about it, but that’s only bc he doesn’t want others to know. And you know anyway, so does it matter?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>LiBro, (20:09): If you’re wrong, he’ll just tell you so. And if not, then he can finally be honest without having to hold back or smth</strong>
</p><p>Yahaba worries his lip with his teeth, searching for a good excuse. He’s been rehashing the full Oikawa-Kyoutani discourse via text, explaining to Shinji for the third time why he is so sure of himself about this. For some weird reason, he had overlooked the fact that this question might come up. Watari is always at his most annoying whenever he’s being sensible.</p><p>The truth of the matter is that Shigeru is scared.</p><p>He’s nervous that when he finally does confront Kyoutani, his friend will deny it–  or, or even worse, won’t want to talk to him about it at all. He doesn’t want to prove to himself that they aren’t as close as he thought – that their friendship isn’t important enough to allow Kyoutani to trust him. Or maybe he would trust him, and still wouldn’t care enough to tell him the truth. Hope is a dangerous and powerful thing – Yahaba doesn’t want to lose it. An outsider looking into the situation might wonder why Yahaba, now that he has become so close with Kyoutani, is more scared of his rejection than ever.</p><p>Shigeru goes to bed about half an hour later, pretending he doesn’t know the answer.</p><p>*</p><p>It’s pointless. It truly is.</p><p>Shigeru wants to shout and throw something at the wall. He wants cry with laughter and sadness all the same.</p><p>How utterly <em>typical</em> that now that everything turned ‘normal’ and ‘fine’ (as if that was a thing in his life), he <em>had</em> to realize what was going on. Shigeru has always prided himself on being able to read others, with or without his Gift. So why is it that one the person who blindsided him turns out to be himself? Now that he’s more focused on his general thoughts, Yahaba can’t deny how often his mind will switch to thinking about Kyoutani, regardless of how busy his day is.</p><p><em>‘I’ve never been luckier that Watari is my best friend,’</em> Yahaba thinks, as he checks his phone for the 16<sup>th</sup> time to see if Shinji succeeded yet. This will be the shortest and least painful way to prove to himself that this feeling isn’t something worth chasing. He wants to let go of the images swirling around in his head.</p><p>He checks his phone again.</p><p>
  <em>‘It’s pointless. It’s pointless. It’s pointless.’</em>
</p><p>Watari, Kyoutani and Kunimi had been the ones tasked with clean up after practice today – and Yahaba had been the first to leave for once, too high strung to hang around and wait for them after. He’s been sitting on his bed ever since, checking his phone about every 30 seconds. He knows Watari will probably wait to text him until he gets home, but practice has finished more than 40 minutes ago, so it could be any minute now.</p><p>
  <em>‘It’s pointless. It’s point-’</em>
</p><p>Shigeru’s phone dings, and he tries to swipe the screen up so fast that he fumbles and nearly drops it in his lap in his haste to read the message.</p><p>
  <strong>LiBro, (18:42): Nailed it.</strong>
</p><p>Relief washes over Yahaba in soothing waves. His hands are still faintly trembling when he types out his response, but he’s smiling all the same. He’ll get rid of all of this soon enough. Watari’s Gift will help him. It’ll have to be enough.</p><p>
  <strong>Shige(b)ru(h), (18:42): How’d it go?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>LiBro, (18:44): Well enough, I’d say</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>LiBro, (18:44): Got to him in the locker room; hit him on the shoulder. Kunimi had left already, would’ve looked kinda strange otherwise.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Shige(b)ru(h), (18:45): Did he say smth?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>LiBro, (18:45): Well, I kinda asked him how he’d prefer to duel? Maybe?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Shige(b)ru(h), (18:47): … ಠ_ಠ</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Shige(b)ru(h), (18:47): What?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>LiBro, (18:48): I mean I had to say SOMETHING? He was looking at me all weird. And I… donno</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>LiBro, (18:48): might’ve panicked? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>LiBro, (18:53): I meant dueling for your friendship, obviously</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Shige(b)ru(h), (18:53): What the fuck? Why fucking ‘dueling’, of all things?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>LiBro, (18:53): ? I just explained?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Shige(b)ru(h), (18:54): Already hit sent when I received your message, srry.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Shige(b)ru(h), (18:54): You know, actually, no! Fck srry – that’s so weird, man</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>LiBro, (18:58): Yeah, I know. He kind of gaped at me and then walked off, mumbling about ‘a team full of crazy people.’ Guess he kinda forgot that includes him as well</strong>
</p><p>*</p><p>
  <strong>LiBro, (13:26): Come to the clubroom 10 minutes earlier, be4 practice, ok? That’ll be more than enough time.</strong>
</p><p>Yahaba shoots a quick thumbs-up before shoving his math book against his phone again, causing it to slide slowly into his school back. He frowns when he feels the vibrations through his bag, not even 5 minutes later. He has to act like he’s looking for a new pencil to quickly check out the message.</p><p>
  <strong>LiBro, (13:30): Are you sure about this?</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>‘Why is he asking about this again? They went over it during lunch already?’</em>
</p><p>Watari’s Gift is the best shot Shigeru has to figure things out without making anyone uncomfortable. Doing this will prove that there is nothing to be done about this – and that will be that. He’ll be able to let go of… it… soon enough. It will be more than clear that there’s nothing to hold onto anyway, the second the ‘noise’ starts. But if it’s nice… If the music that comes out sounds…</p><p>Watari’s Gift is Auditory Connection, and it’s mainly used to test the strength of certain relationships. He has the power to transfer the bond between two or more people into music – but, as far as Shigeru knows, Shinji has never tried to link more than 4 people at the same time. The moment the connection is transferred into song, it radiates outwards from Watari’s body, until he wills it to stop. It’s a really popular Gift, perfect for weddings – and far flashier than Yahaba’s own.</p><p>
  <strong>Shige(b)ru(h), (13:33): Why wouldn’t I be?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>LiBro, (13:34): Remember when I did the combo of you and that Shiratorizawa setter last semester? I think my ears are still bleeding.</strong>
</p><p>Yahaba shudders, remembering the screeching that had erupted from Watari’s skin. It had sounded like nails on a chalkboard. But even if <em>that’s</em> the sound that will be waiting for him in two hours – things will still be better afterwards. Then at least he’ll know the truth. Shigeru glances at the clock in the upper left corner of the classroom, checking how many hours of school he still has to sit through.</p><p>Two hours to go.</p><p>*</p><p>Yahaba feels strangely vague as he walks to the clubroom – his mind occupied with nothing but the imminent confrontation of reality versus the impossibility of his own wishes. Watari had texted him again, right when he was about to leave class, to ask him if he was still sure.</p><p>The question itself was almost laughable. Yahaba <em>needs</em> to check. He needs to know. Practice had been a struggle that morning. It’s unsettling how floaty he felt at even the smallest amount of attention thrown his way.</p><p>He rushes inside the clubroom, shoving the door shut behind him. Watari is already there, looking at him with a wary expression. He doesn’t say anything this time, and merely waits for Shigeru to approach.</p><p>Yahaba feels nauseous as he reaches for Shinji’s hand, clasping it tight as he waits with bated breath for something to happen.</p><p>“Do it.” He hisses. “The sooner we get this over with, the better.”</p><p>He is begrudgingly thankful when Watari doesn’t mention how sweaty Yahaba’s palms are, or how his fingers are faintly trembling. He just stares at Yahaba in silence as an icy blue hue starts to swell behind his eyes, shining brighter and brighter with every second.</p><p>“What’s wrong?”</p><p>Shinji clucks his tongue, letting his annoyance show for the first time. “Chill out a little, okay? I need to concentrate. The sound kinda needs to… load.”</p><p>“Yeah, okay,” Yahaba mumbles. He glances at the closed door on their left. He knows he’s being kind of stupid in his refusal to wait until after practice to do this. The effect of Watari’s touch on your skin lasts for a little more than a day, and allows him to use his Gift whenever he wants, as long as it’s during that time span. There would have been more than enough time to do all that this evening, like the original plan, but the urge to have it just <em>be over</em> is so strong that Shigeru couldn’t resist. As long as they hurry up, no one will know. It’s still over 10 minutes before the others will arrive anyway.</p><p>When he looks back at Watari, his friend is frowning. The way he squints makes the blueish light that reflects off of his skin look even more otherworldly.</p><p>“I’m almost done. Say… Are you sure about having a crush? This does feel a little strong to be just someone falling-”</p><p>Panic courses through Yahaba’s veins. He isn’t ready to discuss the concept of falling in love with a teammate, let alone…</p><p>“It doesn’t matter. I’ll have to let go of whatever it is regardless. Defining things now won’t help me whatsoever.”</p><p>
  <em>‘And besides – if he had it that bad, he would know. He would… right?’</em>
</p><p>Watari’s eyes, which have been glowing steadily for over a minute now, give a weird flash before going back to their steady shine. Yahaba knows what Shinji is about to say before he says it.</p><p>“I’m done. Are you ready? I’ll cut it the moment you tell me to.”</p><p>Yahaba’s face is tight with tension. If he backs out now, nothing will change. No harm will be done. He could lie to himself and focus on his own feelings – maybe enjoy them for a little while, even… But lying to himself has never been something Shigeru tolerated before, and he isn’t going to start now. He’d rather face things head-on instead of running away and merely postponing the moment when he has to face reality.</p><p>He nods.</p><p>Watari takes in a deep breath before letting it slowly escape. By the time he is ready to breathe in again, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M66-aDdb5OU&amp;ab_channel=GuillermoFloresL%C3%B3pez">music</a> starts to rise around them – emanating from his skin. It starts soft, a noise that no instrument could produce. If Yahaba had to describe it, he’d refer to some sort of piano, but Watari’s music could never be explained by such banal sounds.</p><p>Despite the calm beginning, Yahaba flinches as the music grows in strength, ready for the real bond to start shining through. The feeling that listening to his, no – <em>their</em> tune brings him grows in strength as the music gets more powerful.</p><p>His hands are shaking again, for a different reason his time. Watari is smiling so broadly that his eyes have turned into bright blue slits as he lets the song spread through the air – seemingly filling up the whole room.</p><p>Now, Yahaba <em>knew</em> from Shinji’s stories that the people who’s tunes he plays react to the melody far more harshly than other people who can hear it too. Still, when the sounds rise and seem to echo inside his own chest, he can’t keep the tears back, no matter how much wants to.</p><p>Nothing he ever heard before has made him feel this happy or at home. He had thought that a nice and simple melody was the best he could hope for. Even at his most optimistic, this isn't what he had expected. He turns his face away from Shinji as violin-like sounds join the high notes, wanting to keep this moment for himself – which his friend seems to take as the perfect time to start giving running commentary over the music.</p><p>“I must admit that this is one of the better ones I’ve heard.”</p><p>Shigeru turns to stare at him, his eyes wild despite his happiness. He knows that his current expression, while listening to the music, shares everything he could never say out loud.</p><p>“For a reality check, I imagine this kinda failed, though, don’t you think? Or it worked, I guess, but in a good way. In the best way!”</p><p>It’s as if someone dropped an invisible weight on top of Yahaba’s head. For a second, he forgot that this music isn’t just the reflection of <em>his</em> feeling about their bond alone. If Kyoutani had merely accepted Yahaba, it wouldn’t sound like this. Shigeru’s feelings by themselves wouldn’t have been enough. The storm of questions and hope that rises up within him is so strong it almost hurts.</p><p>
  <em>‘This must mean he has a chance, right? Or at least, if he gives it a little time, maybe? Because it sounds… The way it feels, it couldn’t just be…’</em>
</p><p>Shigeru jumps as the door bursts open and a squealing Oikawa gets dragged inside by Iwaizumi, who’s berating him over one thing or another. They are followed by Hanamaki and Matsukawa, both pairs of eyes alight as they snigger about thoughts they share only with each other.</p><p>Luckily for Yahaba, Oikawa causes such a ruckus that nobody seems to notice his red face, or questions the loud music that vanished the second the door bounced back from the wall.</p><p>Out of nowhere, it’s all too much.</p><p>Yahaba has to leave – has to get a breather. Maybe the wind will blow whatever is messing him up inside right out of him, until he’s ready to pick up the too emotional pieces and consider them at a more appropriate time than during volleyball practice.</p><p>Watari doesn’t stop him as Yahaba basically races for the door, and just follows him at a much slower pace. Shigeru has to turn sideways to dodge Kunimi at the last second, who looks asleep on his feet as the first-year shuffles into the room. He pivots in the doorway, ready to run and be alone for the spare couple of minutes he has left to clear his mind, when he almost knocks right into the last person he wants to see at the moment.</p><p>Kentarou steadies Yahaba with a hand on his shoulder, examining Shigeru without blinking as he squints at him curiously. It’s like Yahaba is frozen to the floor, and it’s only when Kyoutani shoots a quick glance at Watari, who is guarding the doorway while looking at them with an impressive poker face, that he feels like he can move again. Yahaba fervently hopes his face isn’t as red as it feels as he quickly steps aside, Kyoutani’s hand sliding from his shoulder. Neither of them says anything as Yahaba marches away, but he has the uncanny feeling that Kentarou is staring after him as he goes.</p><p>*</p><p>That evening, at practice, Kentarou barely leaves his side.</p><p>Yahaba allows himself to start hoping he never will.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey hey hey! ^^ </p><p>Some notes about this new chapter:</p><p>1. I don’t know what to say, I guess I’m just in love with the idea of Kyouhaba falling asleep on each other’s shoulders :v</p><p>2. Plottwist: the confession girl’s Gift is that she can see the potentional connections between people – so she ships Kyouhaba and wanted to wish Kyoutani good luck, but she was too scared to do so :p #honestly?same</p><p>3. Poor kyou, getting called out for his sappy thoughts in front of the team – but also poor Hanamaki! You can only imagine how long he had to listen to kyou mentally sighing about Yahaba – the poor man can only take so much, you know? </p><p>4. “Kyoutani for his part, at least has the decency looks a little embarrassed by almost hitting Yahaba.” – he’s embarrassed by not hitting ON Yahaba - ayooooooooo :D <br/>*sees the deadpan stares and rapidly shuffles away*</p><p>6. I once saw artwork of the meme team staring at a giggling Kyoutani in wonder. That drawing HEAVILY inspired me to write this chapter. I intended to look up whose art it is, so I can link it (with permission) - but I completely forgot and can't look it up at the office -.- I'll try not to forget by next update :o Sadly enough, there was no name on the art itself, but /if/ anyone would know by heart who this art is from - then please let me know! It'll save me a lot of time searching :p</p><p>7. I switched to calling Kyoutani 'Kentarou' as well. This happens from the moment when Yahaba truly accepts his crush/being in love with Kyoutani, and decides to just go for it.</p><p>8. About the chapter title: people are way too used to seeing a reality check as this scary &amp; negative thing. But as you could see in this chapter; sometimes being confronted with reality will bring you a lot of happiness/hope instead. :)</p><p>9. This week's explained Gift:<br/>Gift user: Matsukawa Issei<br/>Colour Shine: Gleaming/inky black<br/>Gift name: Mental link<br/>Gift abilities: whenever you want to say something to Matsukawa, you can straight up 'think it to him'. You have to picture his face in you mind's eye for it to work, though. If you do that, he'll hear your message. This isn't a rare Gift, but of course it /had/ to happen that they have TWO idiots of the mental type on one team 😂😂😂<br/>Hanamaki's and Matsukawa's Gifts are a strong combo; great for surprise attacks in non-official matches (where they are allowed to use their Gift), and a sublime weapon for pranking Tooru</p><p>See you next week! ^^ Please let me know what you thought of this chapter in the comments, it makes me really happy! :D</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. On the property of power</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>
  <em>'Kyoutani breathes in, but Yahaba goes on before he can react. “The previous one was about kissing. Hey, Kyouken… Have you ever kissed someone before?”</em>
</p>
<p><em>“You know</em> damn well <em>that I wasn’t asking about your fucking book,” Kyoutani croaks, quickly turning a page in a desperate attempt to bring their conversation back to normal.</em></p>
<p> <em>Yahaba waits, counting back from 50 to 1. He’s at 17 when-</em></p>
<p>
  <em>“No.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Kyoutani breathed more than spoke when he answered, but it was more than enough for Shigeru.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Shame. Me neither… Yeah…”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>There’s another silence. This time Yahaba gets all the way down to 2 when Kyoutani mumbles: “You know… You can give people the wrong idea by saying things like that, right?”'</em>
</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>HEY HEY HEY!!!<br/>
I have been waiting to post this chapter for the longest time, and I can't WAIT to see your reactions!</p>
<p>Yahaba's gonna be throwing all them damn pillows</p>
<p>A note about Kyou’s room; I took a lot of inspiration from the way my old bedroom and kot (college appartement) used to look - which is: as much plastered with posters as is humanly possible. The illuminating stars on the ceiling used to hang in my childhood bedroom as well. My parents repainted the walls of my room once, and they didn't hang them all back in the correct formation. I was terribly upset about it - I used to be able to see a turtle in the lower collection of stars, and now it's missing at least one of its little footsies :(<br/>
#RIPstarturtle - I will forever cherish you in my memories! :') </p>
<p>You're about to meet Kyoutani's parents. Their names in my AU are: Koga and Ume </p>
<p>This week's explained Gifts:<br/>
Gift user: Kindaichi Yuutarou<br/>
Colour Shine: Red<br/>
Gift name: Yearn<br/>
Gift abilities: Kindaichi sees what people wish for/desire. When he uses his Gift on Yahaba, he is trying to see 'what Yahaba wanted of Kunimi', but he didn't have enough time to figure it out :p</p>
<p>BONUS ROUND BISH!<br/>
Gift user: Kunimi Akira<br/>
Colour Shine: Dark green<br/>
Gift name: Energy saver<br/>
Gift abilities: Kunimi's Gift causes him to be tired, (exhausted when he's tapping more energy), most of the time. The reason that this happens is because his body constantly stores little amounts of energy that he then can let go of in one giant burst (he can also control the intensity &amp; duration and can eg. be generally stronger than usual for a longer time on end, until his reserve is depleted). The longer he saves his energy beforehand, the more he can let go at once when his Gift is triggered. He has yet to find the limit of his energy-storing capabilities.</p>
<p> I know my notes are long, but I'd appreciate it if you read the last part of my endnotes on this chapter and the endnotes of my 4th chapter as well!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=emkLsY0EEz4&amp;ab_channel=MartinLukeBrown-Topic">Martin Luke Brown - Grit Your Teeth</a>
</p>
<p>
  <strong> <em>“Keep holding on for me</em> </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong> <em>'Cause I could be all you need</em> </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong> <em>Keep holding on for me, on for me, on for me”</em> </strong>
</p><hr/>
<p>Yahaba gives himself a headache trying to pinpoint at what exact moment this whole thing started. On what day did he start noticing every move Kyoutani makes? Since when does every uttered word or half-smile fill him with happiness?</p>
<p>He doesn’t feel too stressed about the situation anymore. At the very least, Kyoutani values their relationship a <em>lot</em> – that much became clear thanks to Shinji. The only person Shigeru has been vaguely annoyed at is himself. He could have fallen in love with a sweet, gentle guy, who would rub his shoulders whenever he feels bad.</p>
<p>But <em>no.</em></p>
<p><em>Of course</em> he didn’t do that. Instead he went and fell for the guy with the big mouth and the even bigger temper.</p>
<p>Watari says that he should just <em>ask</em> Kyoutani to give him massages when he feels bad.</p>
<p>Yahaba feels no guilt as he watches the libero topple backwards off the bed when Shigeru’s pillow hits him in the face.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>With every day that goes by, Kyoutani and Yahaba grow closer still. Shigeru even had coach tell him they did well – receiving a pat on the shoulder for his efforts. That whole ordeal had been <em>particularly</em> embarrassing. He doubts coach Irihata would be just as pleased if he knew how literally Shigeru had interpreted his suggestion of ‘getting closer’.</p>
<p>Even worse than their coach’s praise, had been the reaction of their teammates, some of whom Yahaba suspected of being far more observant than he might have liked when they’re off the court.</p>
<p>Oikawa’s smile has grown more and more foreboding as the days go by, and he skips no chance to force them to work closer together. Combined with Matsukawa’s and Hanamaki’s weird but enthusiastic encouragements at the worst of times, Iwaizumi turns out to be the only reasonable third-year left. Not that he puts in much effort to stop the three of them from embarrassing Shigeru to death.</p>
<p>Yahaba is currently glaring daggers into their ace’s back after he left Yahaba behind in the clutches of Hanamaki and Matsukawa, who have been driving him insane with their sniggering and subtle thumbs up every time he talks to Kyoutani without blushing or making a fool of himself. Which, luckily for him, is most of the time. He had forbidden Hanamaki from reading his thoughts, (which is something the wing spiker tries to do around the clock anyway), but after asking them to stop with their verbal support as well, they’ve taken to using their mental link to discuss their kouhais instead. Black and fuchsia eyes flash whenever Kyoutani leans close to Yahaba or makes him smile. Having them back off is nearly as distracting as having the both of them annoy him in person.</p>
<p>He is finally able to shake them off when Kyoutani joins the conversation and basically drags Yahaba back to the court to practice some more.</p>
<p>Kunimi strikes right as Yahaba considers himself to be safe for a while. It happens when he’s, unsurprisingly, staring at Kyoutani – who is squatting on the other side of the net to collect some of the balls he spiked only moments earlier.</p>
<p>“It’s truly a Seijoh cliché that our captains will fall in love with their ace. But somehow I didn’t expect <em>you</em> to fall for it too, Yahaba-san.”</p>
<p>Akira’s tone is as lazy as ever, but Yahaba still doesn’t hold back on his annoyance as he bites out: “I guess that means you’re going to try for captain in about two years, then, Kunimi?”</p>
<p>Kunimi, to his credit, doesn’t sputter as he tries to defend himself – eventually retreating back to the safety off the ball carts, where a curious Kindaichi takes in Akira’s red face with an inquisitive expression before turning to throw a questioning stare at Yahaba.</p>
<p>Shigeru pauses, waving in response to Kyoutani’s impatient grunt to get practice going again.</p>
<p>“And please stop that, Kindaichi. It makes you look like a vampire.”</p>
<p>When he glances back for a last time, the colour in Kindaichi’s cheeks matches Kunimi’s, but his eyes are back to dark brown instead of red.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“You know you can <em>ask</em> for a pillow instead of kicking my thigh until you get one, right?”</p>
<p>Yahaba looks up from his book with a perfect look of innocence that fails to fool Kyoutani in the slightest.</p>
<p>“I just wanted a change of position,” he says airily, “and you were in the way.”</p>
<p>Kyoutani frowns but stretches out his legs – lifting his own book in the process, and Yahaba moves before his friend can criticize his childish behaviour any further. His head lands with a thud on Kyoutani’s lap, and he immediately raises his textbook back over his head, reading on where he left off in a section about poetry in the middle ages.</p>
<p>He’s able to hold himself back for barely 2 full minutes before caving and sliding the book down a little, so he can peek over the edge. Kyoutani looks like a fish that was thrown on dry land. His mouth is open in a small but permanent gasp of surprise.</p>
<p>Yahaba grins, most of his face still hidden behind the cover of ‘Literature Through the Ages’. They usually do their homework at the Yahabas’ kitchen table, but it is far harder to make a move when you’re seated in front of each other. Mandatory reading for class had seemed like a far better option to try and… <em>do something,</em> even though Shigeru’s nerves are making it feel like his heart is currently trying to jump out of his chest.</p>
<p>They both give a little jump when Yahaba’s mother walks into the living room with a laundry basket balanced on her right hip. She is patting the pockets of her red dress when she asks: “Shigeru, did you see my-?”</p>
<p>She pauses as she looks up and takes in the scene. For a second, nobody moves – then she simply shuts her mouth, shakes her head and takes the laundry with her into the hallway, shutting the door with a soft click. Yahaba can hear her shout his brother’s name as she ascends the stairs.</p>
<p>Shigeru doesn’t know if he’s more annoyed with his mother for stopping him from using stupid one-liners, or if he should be glad she interrupted his moment of hormone-induced insanity.</p>
<p>A hand brushes past his hair, but when he looks back up at Kyoutani, the blonde has lifted his own book in front of his face again. It fails to hide the flush at the back of his neck, or the way he is gripping the book so tightly that Shigeru wonders if his fingerprints will leave dents in the cover.</p>
<p>He hides behind his own book as well. It’s easier like this, anyway. It seems less risky when he doesn’t have to look Kentarou in the eyes as he talks. Not that he cares much about risks at the moment. The lingering adrenaline buzzing through his body makes him want to do something reckless.</p>
<p>Kyoutani’s thighs are still tense under his neck.</p>
<p>“What…?”</p>
<p>He waits for a while, so Kentarou can finish his question, but Kyoutani seems to think that one word is more than enough to convey his full confusion. So Yahaba decides to interpret the question at his own will.</p>
<p>“I’m reading a poem about death.”</p>
<p>Kyoutani breathes in, but Yahaba goes on before he can react. “The previous one was about kissing. Hey, Kyouken… Have you ever kissed someone before?”</p>
<p>“You know <em>damn well</em> that I wasn’t asking about your fucking book,” Kyoutani croaks, quickly turning a page in a desperate attempt to bring their conversation back to normal.</p>
<p>Yahaba waits, counting back from 50 to 1. He’s at 17 when-</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>Kyoutani breathed more than spoke when he answered, but it was more than enough for Shigeru.</p>
<p>“Shame. Me neither… Yeah…”</p>
<p>There’s another silence. This time Yahaba gets all the way down to 2 when Kyoutani mumbles: “You know… You can give people the wrong idea by saying things like that, right?”</p>
<p>“Like-?”</p>
<p>Yahaba can feel Kentarou’s glare sear through both of their books, and he has to hold back the crazy urge to burst into laughter.</p>
<p>“It can make people think… Things. That you <em>want</em> things. Maybe.” Kyoutani says evasively.</p>
<p>“Is it working?”</p>
<p>Strong fingers cover the upper edge of Yahaba’s book, pulling it down until Shigeru gets confronted with a pair of amber eyes staring down at him.</p>
<p>Kyoutani examines Yahaba’s face, carefully considering his full expression before asking: “you’re not messing with me… Right?”</p>
<p>“No I’m not.”</p>
<p>“All right.”</p>
<p>He lets go of Yahaba’s book and goes back to reading his own.</p>
<p>Yahaba blinks up at the ceiling, stunned. <em>‘Does he mean… ‘</em>All right<em> alright?’ Or ‘okay, now I know what you mean’ all right, or-?’</em> He has to try his hardest not to fidget, uncomfortable but not knowing what to do next.</p>
<p>He is just about to sit back upright and retreat to the other side of the couch again, when Kyoutani speaks up.</p>
<p>“Ask me again tomorrow.”</p>
<p>Yahaba nods.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Asking if Kyoutani wants to kiss him turns out to be harder than expected.</p>
<p>Yahaba thought that his (what Watari described as) half-angry-half-dazed expression, all through-out lunch and volleyball practice, <em>very clearly</em> signalled how much he wants to kiss his grumpy friend. But alas, Kentarou must be quite dense, because he hasn’t made any move to kiss Shigeru so far.</p>
<p>They eventually end up walking home together, just like they have for the last few weeks, without anything happening.</p>
<p>Yahaba knows that the easiest path to success would be to man up and ask Kyoutani outright – but all the reckless energy that he possessed yesterday seems to have forsaken him, right when he needs it most. Normally, he’d simply wait until a couple of days have passed and search for the right moment – but Kentarou had specifically told Shigeru to ask him again <em>today.</em> What if he thinks Yahaba doesn’t want to anymore? Or even worse; what if he thinks Shigeru was just kidding after all?</p>
<p>They are only a couple of minutes away from the split in the road that leads to Yahaba’s house. For some reason, the trees in the distance feel like a deadline. Rationally speaking, Shigeru knows he’s being an idiot when he thinks this, but rationality fails to keep his growing internal terror at bay. How <em>can it be</em> that he always knows how to react to taunts, but his mouth is sealed shut <em>right now,</em> when it matters most. It’s actually kind of surprising that Kyoutani hasn’t made a remark about Shigeru’s uncharacteristic silence yet, but he seems to enjoy the quiet for the moment.</p>
<p>Shigeru makes his decision when they’re only metres away from the treeline, already covered by the cool shadow of swaying branches.</p>
<p>Kyoutani doesn’t say anything when Yahaba grabs his hand. He just pauses and looks back at the setter, giving Yahaba the feeling like he’s being examined by an X-ray. In the end, he just turns and keeps walking, with Yahaba half a step behind. It’s as if Kentarou is some sort of balloon – dancing in the wind in front of Yahaba. The prettiest, angriest bumblebee balloon Yahaba has ever held, and which he can’t allow to float away. His knuckles are white where they are clutching Kyoutani’s fingers tightly.</p>
<p>“Please consider not crushing my hand? I kind of still need it in the future.”</p>
<p>“Didn’t know you could say please.”</p>
<p>Kentarou scoffs: “fuck off,” and intertwines their fingers.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>They end up turning back and walking to Kyoutani’s house instead. Neither of them found the idea of Shigeru’s mom walking in on them like she did last time very appealing. Getting interrupted while half-cuddling on the couch had been embarrassing enough, let alone while they’d be kissing… Well, maybe. Probably.</p>
<p>Hopefully.</p>
<p>The thought invokes a weird swooping motion somewhere in Shigeru’s abdomen – Its intensity unchanged by the fact that he’s been thinking about this particular thing for quite some time now. He also realises, halfway through texting his mom to ask for permission to go with Kentarou, that he has never seen the Kyoutani household before. He doesn’t think anyone on the team has.</p>
<p>It turns out that they only live about 17 minutes apart from each other. Yahaba is honestly relieved that they’re going on foot. He can readily envision himself riding his bicycle into a ditch because he is too excited. Giddiness and nerves swirl around each other in his body – woven together too tightly to tell them apart. Even the simple action of Kyoutani taking out his keys to unlock the front door fills him with excitement.</p>
<p>“Sorry for intruding!” Yahaba echoes Kyoutani’s mumble with a more enthusiastic version.</p>
<p>While Kyoutani moves to the stairs, Yahaba curiously looks around the hall as he places his shoes on the mat, ecstatic when he sees something that <em>has</em> to be a picture of a chubby baby Kyoutani in a little duck costume. He laughs, ready to point out his discovery when something made out of glass very audibly gets smashed further down the house.</p>
<p>Yahaba flinches, taken aback. Before he can say or do anything, Kyoutani has left his bag at the bottom of the stairs and has pulled open a door that leads to the living room. An angry woman’s voice is audible from somewhere on the left, where the kitchen must be. Yahaba is about to ask if they should go and help clean up when another crashing sound of splintering glass sounds from somewhere out of sight. Kyoutani hurries towards the noise, and Yahaba stiffens, uncertain about what he should do next. In the end he decides to follow Kentarou, and walks into the living room. When he steps through the doorway, it immediately becomes clear that the ruckus from earlier came from behind the door in the left corner. Before he can approach the door, though, Kyoutani and a man who must be his father walk back into the room, closing the door behind them. The angry shouting voice Shigeru heard earlier has cut off, but it’s not as big of a relief as one would think. Silence presses down on them like an invisible pillow.</p>
<p>In the end, it’s Kyoutani’s father who speaks first.</p>
<p>“You must be Yahaba, then? I’m Kyoutani Koga, welcome to our house.”</p>
<p>His voice is deep and pleasant – the type of voice that puts you at ease without effort, and Yahaba faintly wonders if Kyoutani will sound like that in a couple of years’ time.</p>
<p>“Yes. Nice to meet you, Kyoutani-san. Sorry for the intrusion.”</p>
<p>“No, no, it’s quite alright.” Kyoutani’s father motions to Yahaba to end his little bow, sending him a tired but sincere looking smile. “My apologies for the noise earlier. Ume accidentally dropped some glasses, but I’ll clean it up myself. You boys can go relax now.”</p>
<p>Yahaba wonders how anyone can drop a glass against the wall at what had sounded like the height of Kyoutani-san’s face. He bows again, taking a hesitant step towards Kentarou, who has been standing next to his father in silence, a deep frown marring his forehead. He doesn’t seem to be listening to the conversation at all.</p>
<p>The smile on Koga’s face gets a little strained. Yahaba stares in confusion as Kyoutani’s father puts his hand on the base of Kentarou’s neck, squeezing lightly before letting go again. For a second, his eyes flash a gleaming bronze, but it’s gone the next second.</p>
<p>Kyoutani looks up at his father, frustration plain in his features as he says: “don’t”. Despite the stern tone, his posture is relaxed when he takes Yahaba’s hand and guides him back to the hallway. For a second, Shigeru panics, but Koga-san doesn’t seem bothered by the public display of affection. He gives them a little wave before turning around to head back to the kitchen. Yahaba still catches the way his smile drops before Kyoutani can pull him around the corner.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>The interior of Kyoutani’s bedroom is small, loud, and very much like him. Both Shigeru and Kentarou relax more fully when they are finally on their own again. Kyoutani drops Yahaba’s hand as he awkwardly makes a waving motion towards his room from within the doorway and says: “well… this is it.”</p>
<p>Yahaba laughs.</p>
<p>He walks in, staring at the walls, which are so heavily plastered with posters that it’s hard to make out the original colour. He pretends not to notice the picture plastered above the desk in the corner, where the Seijoh volleyball team’s faces are grinning up at him from the paper, nor does he mention the stuffed panda at the foot of the bed.</p>
<p>“How many freaking posters do you even have in here?”</p>
<p>Kyoutani shrugs, his sharp, honey-coloured eyes following Yahaba’s every move as he takes in his room. “More than 2.”</p>
<p>Yahaba laughs again, making sure that Kyoutani sees his eye roll before he turns to inspect the poster above Kentarou’s bed, which is obviously self-made.</p>
<p>
  <em>‘The property of power is to protect. – Blaise Pascal’</em>
</p>
<p>He follows one of the colourful lines with his finger, taking in the swirls of colour that mix and blend all around the quote. It makes the neat black and white lettering stand out even more.</p>
<p>“I didn’t know you liked to draw.”</p>
<p>“Don’t have much time for it, these days.”</p>
<p>Yahaba hums and looks up to stare at the ceiling, where pale yellow coloured stars are pasted against the light grey surface.</p>
<p>“They’ve hung there since I was three,” Kyoutani says defensively.</p>
<p>“I didn’t even <em>say anything,</em>” Yahaba grins, using this as an excuse to look over at Kentarou again. He’s leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, staring out of the window in an effort to avoid Yahaba’s grin. The tips of his ears are red, but aside from that he looks relaxed.</p>
<p>He seems to be a lot less bothered by what happened earlier than Yahaba would have expected, even if it’s clear that he’s trying to avoid mentioning what happened. Shigeru wonders whether he feels awkward about it. It must be weird to want to show your house to your… whatever they are, and accidentally walk in on your parents arguing.</p>
<p>“You look a lot like your dad,” he mentions carefully.</p>
<p>Shigeru knows that his attempts at making conversation are getting weaker by the minute, but he’s desperate to go back to the carefree atmosphere they shared before. Kentarou doesn’t seem to notice Yahaba’s mild distress. He hums, a proud look on his face. “I’ve only inherited my eyes and hair from mom, the rest is all due to dad’s genes.”</p>
<p>Yahaba nods, letting the silence stretch, waiting for Kentarou to break it.</p>
<p>“Hey, so… I know we were talking about… things, but is it okay with you if we… just watch a movie or something?”</p>
<p>Yahaba nods again and shoves his disappointment down into a deep corner of his chest, refusing to let his selfishness ruin the moment. They have more than enough time in the future to kiss each other as often as they want. And when it <em>does</em> finally happen, he wants it to be at a time when Kentarou feels <em>good</em>; a moment when all he thinks about is Yahaba.</p>
<p>They end up watching Megamind, Kyoutani’s cheek pressed against Yahaba’s collarbone as he leans back, their legs tangled in front of them. The laptop is balanced precariously on their knees – and Yahaba decides that he doesn’t mind waiting for the right moment, even if it takes a couple of months. He moves his head a little, resting his chin on top of Kyoutani’s short-cropped hair as the Megamind on-screen shouts something about presentation and a dramatic entrance. The short blond strands are slightly ticklish against his skin, but Shigeru doesn’t care. Not when this feels so good.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>That first visit to Kyoutani’s house soon turns into a habit. They still spend most of their evenings at Yahaba’s house, doing homework, but at least once a week they’ll study in Kentarou’s room instead. Yahaba suspects that Kyoutani hasn’t forgotten about the first time Shigeru came to visit, because whenever he comes over, Kyoutani’s dad is the only grown-up he sees. He never again felt the uncomfortable pressure of that first time, and Koga-san seems happy to see Yahaba too – as giving with his smiles as he is with his patience.</p>
<p>Even though it’s been some time, they still haven’t kissed or spoken about it again. And though Yahaba doesn’t think he’s ever wanted anything more than this, he stands firm by his belief that he should wait until Kyoutani feels comfortable and let the other boy make the first move this time. He told Kentarou as much on that first day, and the blonde had quietly agreed, his sleepy face still hidden in Yahaba’s sweater at the end of the movie.</p>
<p>It's the fourth or fifth time that Yahaba has been invited to Kyoutani’s house, and at this point he’s at ease with their routine. They talk the whole walk back from school, and it’s one of Yahaba’s favourite moments of the day. The more time they spend together, the more often Kentarou drops his guard when he’s around Yahaba – his usual sullen behaviour falling away and revealing a loyal friend who often cries when he laughs too much and has an extremely dry sense of humour.</p>
<p>Kyoutani scrambles for the house keys in his backpack while Yahaba still tries to convince him of the superiority of his favourite metal band.</p>
<p>“No, I swear, they are so much-”</p>
<p>“Ah,” Kyoutani sighs, “fucking finally.” He triumphantly holds up the key, ignoring Yahaba’s pout in the process. Yahaba follows as they walk towards the front door, ready to get inside and get their work done so they can relax.</p>
<p>“And you’ve told me that about 15 times already, by the way. No-, for God’s sake, stop pouting? You look like Oikawa when you do that, and it’s creeping me out. Anyway – I just prefer Japanese music, then at least you can sing along if-”.</p>
<p>“Kyoutani?”</p>
<p>But Kyoutani stands frozen, his key in the lock as he listens. Yahaba shuts up as well, and now that he’s quiet, it’s more than obvious what is happening inside of the house. The walls muffle some of the angry shouting, but it’s not enough to hide what the woman is yelling about. Yahaba blanches – if his mother heard him say any of those things to another human being, he’d be grounded for the rest of his life.</p>
<p>“Euhm… Should we… Do you want to go to my house instead, Ken? Kyoutani?”</p>
<p>Kyoutani doesn’t answer. His back is still facing Yahaba, who starts to get worried when he can see heavy tremors shoot through his friend’s body.</p>
<p>
  <em>‘Is he crying?’</em>
</p>
<p>“Hey, are you-?”</p>
<p>The shouting stops abruptly as Kyoutani finally turns the key and pushes the door open. When he turns around to invite Yahaba in, his face is carefully blank, and there is no indication that he was crying.</p>
<p>Yahaba simply stares, lost.</p>
<p>He succeeds in holding back his questions up until they are finishing their homework, and Kyoutani’s dad walks in with some drinks. His eyes are swollen and red, and Yahaba clears his throat instinctively when Kyoutani-san asks how they are doing and they hear how hoarse Koga’s voice is.</p>
<p>Kentarou seems to sense what is coming, because he stares at Yahaba pleadingly, forsaking his grumpy silence in an effort to stop any questions, but Shigeru can’t hold himself back any longer.</p>
<p>“What is going <em>on,</em> Ken? Are you alright? Why is your dad…? Why does he always look-…?”</p>
<p>Kyoutani looks pained, and Yahaba almost regrets asking him about this, especially when he says: “I don’t like talking about this.”</p>
<p>“I mean… I don’t either, but… I mean- I’m not sure what’s going on? But if you guys need, like, help…? Or something, I’d-?”</p>
<p>“He already gets help,” Kyoutani says softly.</p>
<p>“Your dad?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>Kentarou sighs so deeply that it seems to go on forever. “You can’t tell anyone about this – not even Watari.”</p>
<p>“I promise!” Yahaba interjects quickly.</p>
<p>Kyoutani considers him warily for a couple of seconds, but eventually seems to conclude that Yahaba is telling the truth.</p>
<p>“He’s… My mom is not doing well. She’s been struggling for about 4 years, I think. She hasn’t been able to go to work for a couple of months now, and dad… He just wants to make it work – wants her to join a program where they can help her, but it costs a lot of money to join something like that, because you have to stay there for a couple of months and she’s worried that I won’t be able to go to college if she uses up our funds like that.”</p>
<p>Yahaba breathes in sharply, unsure of what to say. <em>‘Is there even a fitting thing you can say when someone tells you a story like this?’</em></p>
<p>“But that’s not all, she… I love my mom, I do. But she’s been getting worse.  It’s not good for my dad either, she keeps tearing him down, and-,” Kentarou’s eyes seem to harden as he continues, “-she keeps misusing his Gift. My dad’s Gift, it’s-… He can ‘give away’ his emotions. Kind off. My mom has been feeling like shit for years now, and the past year she started demanding that my father should transfer some of his ‘positivity’ to her instead. He has been doing that from the beginning, you know, but she keeps forcing him to give more – and if he gives away all his positive feelings, then there’s nothing left for himself. He doesn’t act like himself anymore, and I don’t know how much longer I can stand any of this.”</p>
<p>Yahaba is still staring, shocked into silence.</p>
<p>When he finally finds his voice again, he says: “that’s… horrible. Oh my god, I’m so sorry? Why didn’t you tell me before?”</p>
<p>Kyoutani raises his eyebrow, a little aggressively still. It seems that recounting the story takes a toll on him as well. “I don’t <em>owe</em> anyone this information. Not even you.”</p>
<p>“That’s right, you don’t,” Yahaba says, defiance rising in his chest, “but that also means that no one can help you when you need it.”</p>
<p>“I don’t need help. Dad and I can manage it. So unless you know an argument we haven’t tried yet, to convince my mother to enter that program, there’s nothing you can do about it. That’s not why I told you anyway.”</p>
<p>“Then what <em>do</em> you need?”</p>
<p>Kyoutani hesitates, sucking his lower lip into his mouth as he thinks. His eyes seem to flit all over Yahaba’s face, lingering on his lips for a moment before looking him in the eye again. Yahaba knows what he’s going to ask before he has opened his mouth.</p>
<p>“I need…” Kyoutani croaks, coughing before he tries again. “I need to be distracted. If that’s okay?”</p>
<p>Shigeru leans back a little, conflicted. This isn’t exactly the kind of moment he’d been waiting for, but Kyoutani looks more vulnerable than he ever has before, and Yahaba doesn’t know how long he can deny him.</p>
<p>“Okay.” He crawls forward a little, moving to sit back on his heels as his knees get bracketed by Kyoutani’s legs. Kyoutani’s hands are trembling as he reaches upwards to sweep Yahaba’s hair out of his face and pull him closer.</p>
<p>Something clicks in Shigeru’s brain.</p>
<p>
  <em>‘Trembling…?’</em>
</p>
<p>He grabs hold of Kyoutani’s wrists, stopping the other boy from pulling him any closer and urgently asks: “Wait- is <em>that</em> what you were doing when we were about to enter the house? Depleting your own happiness, just to calm down your mother?”</p>
<p>Kyoutani appears to be literally biting his tongue, only speaking when he can keep his tone from sounding angry. “I <em>didn’t</em> say that. I don’t want to talk about Gifts.”</p>
<p>“Deny it, then?” Yahaba says, his eyes blazing. “You said ‘your dad and you can handle it’? What does that mean, then?”</p>
<p> “I just told you I didn’t want to talk about it!” Kyoutani lets go of Yahaba’s neck. He <em>does</em> sound angry this time, but so does Yahaba.</p>
<p>“Why not? This is <em>important?</em> I need you to trust me!”</p>
<p>“I just told you that I don’t owe anyone an explanation! You <em>agreed</em> – so fucking <em>drop </em>it?!”</p>
<p>“Maybe so – in theory!” Yahaba barks back. “But how do you expect this to work if you refuse to tell me things? Don’t I have a right to know how you are doing? And how you’re feeling? Seeing as we’re-”</p>
<p>“We are <em>nothing!</em>” Kyoutani yells.</p>
<p>They sit back – both of them panting like they’ve just run a marathon.</p>
<p>Yahaba is the one who gets up first.</p>
<p>“Guess I’ll better go then,” he says icily. “There’s no reason for me to stick around, seeing as we’re nothing.”</p>
<p>He pauses for a second, hoping that Kyoutani will do something. <em>Say</em> something. But he doesn’t – and Yahaba’s pride drags him out of the room, slamming the door behind him.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>He calms down during his run home, physically pushing all of his aggression out through his legs. After that, the sadness takes over. It’s worse than being mad.</p>
<p>Shigeru faintly wonders if anyone saw him; running along the pathway and screaming his head off. He doesn’t really care if they did. He knows he should call Kyoutani and try to talk things out, but his stubbornness struggles against his better judgement.</p>
<p>When he finally calls Kentarou, 12 minutes later, it goes straight to voicemail every single time.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“So, how d’you fuck up this time?” is the first thing Watari says when Yahaba pulls open the front door. “My mom wasn’t all too pleased when I asked her to give me a ride, so I don’t think I can stay long.” His smirk quickly shrinks as he takes in Yahaba’s expression.</p>
<p>“Let’s go upstairs. I’ll explain in a minute.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>It hasn’t even been three full hours since the fight with Kentarou, but dammit… Yahaba really misses him already. There’s an fundamental difference between <em>choosing</em> not to do something and having the choice be taken from you. He imagines Kyoutani has about 18 call notifications at this point, but he can’t seem to stop himself from calling again – hoping for a different result each time. At least he is able to regain some of his self-control with Shinji present.</p>
<p>It only takes a miserable 14 minutes to explain the full situation to Watari, during which Yahaba describes the argument as vaguely as possible, in an effort to keep his promise to Kyoutani and not tell anyone about the stuff he wants to keep private. It’s kind of hard to solve an argument without getting all of the facts in the process, but Shinji tries anyway. Yahaba thinks he’ll have to treat him to steamed buns the next time they pass by the konbini neighbouring Aoba Johsai’s grounds.</p>
<p>The only part he can’t seem to get across his lips is when Kyoutani said they were nothing, so he types it out instead, and watches Watari grimace when he reads it over. The saddest part is that Kentarou was right. Theoretically, they hadn’t held a single conversation about where they wanted ‘this’ to go. Hell, they hadn’t even kissed… Or that’s what Yahaba tries to tell himself. Focusing on the rationality of Kentarou’s statement is the only thing keeping him from curling into a ball of hurt and refusing to ever leave his bed again.</p>
<p><em>‘But the rest?’</em> his mind moans, <em>‘What about the rest of it? What about all the moments we’ve shared? Don’t those count for anything?’</em></p>
<p>Yahaba had never imagined feeling haunted by the memories of hugging someone, but this naivety is currently biting him in the ass. Then again; <em>how</em> could he have known that the moments that made him feel more alive than ever, could ever cut this deep. It’s not guilt, nor regret that is tormenting his thoughts. The real issue is receiving this clarity; it is getting a glimpse of what might happen if their relationship doesn’t work out, and they split after an argument.</p>
<p>How could anyone accept a forced return to a world of grey, when they’ve gotten so used to vivid colour? When their dreams were <em>right there</em> in front of them, and yet it still managed to slip through their fingers.</p>
<p>Contrary to what some might think, Yahaba isn’t as whiny or self-absorbed as one might expect. He tries to be a rationalist. This argument won’t last forever, and he is certain that there are still ways to save their friendship. It just sucks that this belief doesn’t alleviate any of the anxiety that, what had been growing between them – beyond friendship, might be lost.</p>
<p>“A toast,” Yahaba interjects, stopping Watari from repeating the same potential solutions for the 9<sup>th</sup> time. He raises his glass of orange juice into the air, uncaring about how miserable he looks. “To the death of friendship!”</p>
<p>Shinji clucks his tongue, but doesn’t comment on the dramatics. Instead he continues the conversation as if Yahaba hadn’t interrupted him at all. “What I still don’t get,” he muses “is why you couldn’t just let it go? The questions about his Gift, I mean?”</p>
<p>“Would <em>you</em> have let me of the hook?” Yahaba starts accusingly, faltering a little as he tries to find a way to continue his retort without revealing too much. “Would <em>you</em> let me… do things… while you knew they were bad? Like, mentally? For me? Without saying anything? Or even simply <em>trying</em> to get me some help, somehow?”</p>
<p>Shinji avoids his gaze. “No,” he admits reluctantly.</p>
<p>“I thought you’d say that. Now please focus on that thought when you listen to what I’m about to say next,” Yahaba says pleadingly. “I have come up with an idea that will help prove my point to someone.”</p>
<p>“I’m not going to like this plan, am I?”</p>
<p>“Of course you will!”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“This is a bad idea,” Shinji groans.</p>
<p>“I know, you’ve said so before. Come <em>on,</em> it won’t take long? It’ll all be over in a couple of hours. You <em>promised</em> you’d help me with this?”</p>
<p>Watari yawns, looking to the world as if the prospect of saving his best friend’s love life is boring him to death. “I know, but I’ve changed my mind. Sorry.”</p>
<p>Yahaba gapes at him, anger rising so rapidly that he has to bite the inside of his cheeks to keep from cussing Shinji out and making his life even worse.</p>
<p>“What the <em>fuck,</em> man? Why would you-?” He stops, scowling at the wall. Now that he thinks about it, shouting at Shinji to help him won’t do him any good right now. The anger melts away, leaving him feeling kind of empty instead.</p>
<p>He looks back at Watari when the other boy makes a questioning sound. “And? Did it work? You look kinda neutral, so I’m guessing maybe?”</p>
<p>“What are you talking about?” Yahaba hisses. “I thought you just said that you didn’t want to help me?”</p>
<p>“Okay-” Watari says placatingly, “please don’t get mad at me again, but I may have been… kind of… lying.”</p>
<p>“Listen to me!” he urges, as Shigeru opens his mouth to question him further. “Don’t turn around.” He grabs Yahaba’s shoulder as the setter starts to do just that. “I literally <em>just</em> told you not to turn, you shit!? Anyway; Kyoutani is standing a couple of metres away from us, he’ll notice that something is going on if you stare at him. Also; don’t talk too loudly.”</p>
<p>Yahaba swallows, rapidly catching on to what just happened. “I thought the plan was that you were going to make me mad during lunch, and we’d see what would happen? Why didn’t you just warn me?”</p>
<p>“How the <em>hell</em> did you expect me to efficiently get you mad while you were expecting me to?” Watari insists. “What if that, I don’t know, makes the anger build up differently? Or makes it feel less genuine, and he caught on to what you were doing? I <em>told</em> <em>you</em> I wanted no part in this – but I thought that, if we ended up doing it anyway, this was the best shot we had.”</p>
<p>“And?” he asks impatiently when Yahaba doesn’t answer. “Did it work?” </p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>It’s almost amazing how much defeat you can pour into one word when it matters. Yahaba had never wanted an experiment to fail this badly before. It’s unfair that Kyoutani feels like he has to carry his mother’s burdens, but it’s even worse that he seems to do so with Yahaba as well. At the very least this proves that he isn’t <em>that</em> angry with Shigeru that he doesn’t care about his wellbeing anymore, but the knowledge of what Yahaba has to do next still fills him with foreboding.</p>
<p>He gets shaken out of his brooding when Watari slaps him forcefully on the back, causing Yahaba to nearly bite his own tongue. “Don’t worry about it. I’m sure you two can work things out, you just need to talk. He has always listened to you before, even when he acts like he doesn’t.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Just like Watari predicted, getting Kyoutani to meet up with him turns out to be easier than Yahaba expected. One text is all it takes for the both of them to meet up at the familiar fork in the road, where they used to go their separate ways after school – back before they started their joined study sessions and the friendship that came with it.</p>
<p>The fight with Kyoutani happened less than two days ago, yet it feels like weeks. Yahaba has been unable to think of anything else but their conversation since Friday night. He stares at the way Sunday’s evening sunlight strengthens the angles of Kyoutani’s face, and wonders if he has felt the same anxiety during the last few days.</p>
<p>Neither of them says anything as they turn and start walking the usual way to school. It takes about 5 minutes before Yahaba starts wondering whether Kentarou has a solid goal in mind, or if they’ll be walking around randomly until nightfall. Before he can decide how to phrase this question in a way that won’t make it sound like he’s complaining, Kyoutani leaves the road and turns left, in the direction of the old playground.</p>
<p>The only sound, aside from the wind, is from the gravel crunching underneath their feet as they walk through the little gate at the entrance. The kids and parents who usually walk here appear to have gone home for dinner, which means there is no one around to judge them as they take place on one of the swing sets. Sadly enough, it doesn’t take long before the blissful silence starts to feel suffocating instead. The metal chains holding up Yahaba’s seat creak ominously when he starts to fidget. He has been preparing this conversation for over a day now – he practiced with Shinji, and even repeated it mentally while he was brushing his teeth before coming here – so why is his mind suddenly blank?</p>
<p>Well. Sitting around and listening to rustling leaves won’t help them move forward either.</p>
<p>“I wanted to-”</p>
<p>“You know, I-?”</p>
<p>They both stop. Yahaba chooses to interpret Kyoutani’s twitching as an indication that he can continue. “We need to talk.”</p>
<p>He merely receives a nod in reply.</p>
<p>Shigeru quirks his brow at the boy next to him. “What? No ‘no shit, Sherlock’ this time?”</p>
<p>It’s Kentarou’s turn to raise an eyebrow, this time. “Do you <em>want</em> me to be sarcastic?”</p>
<p>It’s an obvious challenge, and Yahaba has already blurted out “yes” before his mind can keep up.</p>
<p>Kentarou turns away to stare at the trees at the edge of the playground again, but it does nothing to hide the small smile on his face. “Yeah. Of course you’d say that.”</p>
<p>The following silence feels nothing like when they just entered the park. Yahaba doesn’t feel anxious about breaking it this time; the dread he carried up until this point leaving his body as he breathes easily for the first time in days.</p>
<p>“I’m…”</p>
<p>He can’t say that he’s sorry. Not without lying. What Kyoutani is doing is wrong. It is kind, but it’s unhealthy. Shigeru knows that this is a conversation that might work better when it’s taken slow, but slow isn’t exactly his style. He hopes blunt honesty will get the job done just as well. He is no expert on Gifts, and he knows that he can’t force Kyoutani to listen to him, but he’ll pay whatever cost to get his friend to do just that.</p>
<p>Yahaba may be stubborn, but that doesn’t mean he likes arguing. Still, he seriously doubts that continuously handing out your own happiness will leave Kentarou’s mental health undamaged – no matter how noble his intentions might be.</p>
<p>“I can’t say I’m sorry about what happened. Maybe about the fact that I shouted at you, but not the message itself. “</p>
<p>“I know.”</p>
<p>“You know? What do you mean ‘you know’?”</p>
<p>He waits a moment for Kyoutani to clarify, but the blonde makes no motion to do so.</p>
<p>“-but I do want to talk,” Yahaba continues seriously. “To make things better again. For the both of us.”</p>
<p>He glances at his left when the quiet stretches again. Kyoutani doesn’t even nod. He merely moves his feet slowly through the gravel, shifting the tiny stones with his movements – a blank expression on his face. It feels almost unnatural to see him like this. Shigeru is right about to say something when-</p>
<p>“Because of my Gift.”</p>
<p>It takes Yahaba a minute to realize what exactly Kyoutani is referring to.</p>
<p>“You mean about being sorry? How could you have made me feel that, by giving me positive emotions?”</p>
<p>For a second, the horrible idea that Kyoutani might be dealing out <em>negative</em> emotions shoots through his brain, only to be discarded immediately. If that had been his Gift, Kyoutani would have never been able to stop Shigeru from being angry at Shinji.</p>
<p>His relief must be shining through in his expression, because Kentarou is staring at him with something approaching bewilderment.</p>
<p>“It’s okay,” Yahaba says, realizing where the issue lies, “I know we kind of avoided it, but I know about your Gift anyway. Dancing around the issue is futile at this point.”</p>
<p>The confusion in Kyoutani’s features starts to clear for a moment, but it doesn’t turn into relief or acceptance. Instead, it looks like he has started to doubt things even more as he pushes himself slightly back and forth on the swing. He looks so lost in thought that Yahaba wouldn’t be surprised if he was unaware of himself doing so.</p>
<p>The metal chains connected to Kyoutani’s seat creak even louder than Yahaba’s. Despite that, it fails to drown out his voice when he says: “that’s not what my Gift is.”</p>
<p>Yahaba frowns. “Can’t we fucking stop this? I <em>know</em> that you didn’t want to tell me at first, but we talked about this already? About your mom? And don’t bother denying it either – I tested it out with Watari, yesterday.”</p>
<p>“At practice,” he clarifies, when Kyoutani looks at him weirdly. “I… Look, I know it was kind of wrong – but I asked him to make me mad, to prove a point.”</p>
<p>“That’s-” for a second, Kyoutani looks as if he’s going to start shouting. His chest swells until he lets it all out in a harsh huff, his fingers clenching around the swing’s chains as he kicks off of the ground hard in his annoyance.</p>
<p>Having nothing better to do, Yahaba joins him. It proves to be the right decision, because it takes under 3 minutes for Kyoutani to clarify his earlier statement.</p>
<p>“You were wrong. Partly, at least. Emotional distribution is <em>my</em> <em>father’s</em> Gift, it’s not mine.”</p>
<p>He gives Yahaba exactly no time to process this before continuing: “-mine is Emotional Triad.”</p>
<p>None of this seems to make any sense.</p>
<p>“What’s the difference, then?”</p>
<p>Kyoutani visibly slumps down, sighing so deeply that for a moment Yahaba fears he’ll fall backwards from his seat.</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t have had to share this if you weren’t so goddamn nosy. Anyway… It’s called a triad because of the different elements. It’s a system of three; sympathy, empathy and compassion.”</p>
<p>“Aren’t empathy and sympathy more or less the same thing, though?” Yahaba questions, unable to hold his tongue.</p>
<p>“No. Sympathy is more rational, I’d say. While empathy means that you <em>feel</em> what another person is feeling, sympathy purely means that you <em>understand</em> what they are feeling – you don’t have to feel it yourself, to do that. But I guess the most important one to me is compassion. The willingness to relieve the suffering of others… I can use sympathy in a way others can’t. It’s stronger than with normal people. So when I want to, I can channel sympathy to enable a higher level of empathy and… assist people when needed.”</p>
<p>He looks up, and flinches at Yahaba’s blank expression.</p>
<p>“Yeah – I still don’t understand shit about your Gift. Is it… You understand what people are feeling, but-?”</p>
<p>“Shut up. I never tell people about this for a reason. It’s… I can pull emotions, when I want to. Or mirror them. Anyway; that’s how I can help mom. I can pull out her anger and… well, everything negative, when she’s upset. If I wanted to, I could mirror her feelings and share them, but that rarely helps anyone. I can’t mirror for someone else, so I can’t share my happiness, or give it to her in the way dad does. I had to hold her hand at first, but she didn’t always let me come close, so I had to practice doing it from a distance. It’s really hard to strip feelings without touching. It drained me completely, at first, but I’ve gotten better at it over the years.”</p>
<p>“So… You delete feelings,” Shigeru says in an effort to summarize.</p>
<p>“That’s not how it works. Emotions are like… a stream of energy that I can bend. I can let it flow out of you, but the total amount of energy has to remain balanced; it has to go somewhere else. <em>Someone</em> has to carry it.”</p>
<p>Horror starts to wash over Yahaba. Not all at once, like a wave, but as tiny droplets sinking into his skin – hollowing him out until that’s all he feels.</p>
<p>
  <em>‘Someone has to carry it.’ </em>
</p>
<p>Yahaba has no doubts about who it is that is carrying all the negativity Kyoutani strips away. Just the thought of carrying different people’s negativity makes Shigeru feel nauseous.</p>
<p><em>‘So </em> this <em> is the reason he has always been so angry at training? How many times a day does he do this? And how does he continue struggling on? Can your mind even take that much unhappiness? How do you hide it?’</em></p>
<p>Kyoutani, ironically enough, doesn’t seem to notice Yahaba’s slowly growing distress as he continues his explanation. He doesn’t appear to hold anything back, this time around – like he is finally letting go of all the things he has wanted to share over the last couple of years.</p>
<p>“Most people tend to shield their emotions during the day, especially when they are around other people. I can still know how they are feeling when I want to, when I <em>focus</em>, but I usually don’t notice it all that much. It’s different when they get angry, though. When someone gets upset, or scared, the strength of their emotions can get so strong that they forget to ‘mentally close off’ like they normally do. It’s like… what most people would describe as ‘aura’s’, or something. I can feel them, sometimes even when I’m in another room. They’d have to feel <em>very</em> strongly about something for that to happen, though. And it works better with people that I know well. At least I’m lucky enough that I can only read the more nuanced or lighter emotions when I’m touching someone. It can really suck, sometimes. ‘Overwhelming’ is too light of a word to describe how that feels. I can’t switch it off. It destroyed some of my friendships too. I told a friend in junior high, once, and he told the rest of our class. They didn’t talk to me after that. Said they couldn’t tell if they really liked me, or if I was <em>making</em> them feel like that, so they took away the chance of me doing so.”</p>
<p>He buries his heels in the gravel, abruptly halting the backwards movement of his swing.</p>
<p>“We were freakin’ <em>children!</em> I haven’t told anyone since. Well, except for coach. I kind of had to, to get on the team. I can’t believe I thought they’d be different. Everyone always reacts the same. ‘re just a bunch of bigots. Like anyone can help it what their Gift is like.”</p>
<p>It’s as if a piece of ice has buried itself deep into Yahaba’s stomach, sometime halfway through Kyoutani’s explanation – rapidly freezing his insides from the moment the true strength of Kyoutani’s Gift starts to register in his mind. The realization it’s brings is sickening, the same two words echoing in his mind louder and louder.</p>
<p><em>‘He knows. he </em> knows <em>.’</em></p>
<p>He stopped pushing himself off the ground a while ago, the wind still tugging at his hair as he sits limply on his seat, the swing’s movement going slower and slower over time.</p>
<p>“Yahaba?”</p>
<p>Anger and shame rise inside Yahaba’s chest, red-hot and burning, scalding his icy insides. The explanation of Kyoutani’s Gift has turned out to be worse than he could have ever expected.</p>
<p>
  <em>‘He must have known for weeks.’</em>
</p>
<p>Shigeru’s mind is racing; images of their friendship flying past his mind’s eye.</p>
<p><em>‘The hugs, the leaning against each other during movies – Kentarou had even fucking stroked Yahaba’s hair when his head was literally laying in his </em> lap. <em> Kyoutani </em> had <em> to have known. He </em> knew, <em> and he’d just let Yahaba </em> sit there <em> and suffer.’</em></p>
<p>The humiliation is so strong that he momentarily forgets to be worried about Kyoutani’s <em>clearly</em> unhealthy habit of adopting other people’s grief and anger. It all comes back with a vengeance when a hand lands on his wrist. He didn’t even notice Kyoutani moving to stand in front of him, but he does notice the hurt in those honey-coloured eyes when he slaps his hand away.</p>
<p>“Promise me you won’t ever fucking do it again!”</p>
<p>“I- <em>what?</em>”</p>
<p>Kyoutani scans Yahaba’s face, clearly looking for cues that he’s joking. “You know I can’t do that? I can’t control it? It just happens.”</p>
<p>“You could give up on stealing other people’s emotions like a creep!”</p>
<p>Yahaba feels absolutely nothing as he watches the colour drain from Kyoutani’s face. He tries to focus on a distant pettiness, to keep himself from feeling that storm of upheaval again. But at this point, even his numbness feels like something hostile. Is it even his own numbness? Or a manufactured one?</p>
<p>“I <em>just</em> told you to stop doing it,” Shigeru snaps. He blinks rapidly to keep back the tears he can feel pressing against the back of his eyes. “How the fuck do you think I can trust you after this?”</p>
<p>“I’m not doing <em>anything!</em>” Kyoutani yells back. His face seems to have gone from pale to a dark red in a heartbeat.</p>
<p>“You’ve known for <em>weeks!</em>” Yahaba screams, uncaring about Kentarou’s confusion as the anxiety crawls upward from his collarbones, curling around his throat and strangling him.</p>
<p>“Known what?” Kyoutani bellows. “This isn’t something I can help, why are you-”</p>
<p>If Yahaba could freeze time and scroll back a couple of seconds, then this is where he would have used that power. He’d hold back and take a breather, before continuing in a much calmer fashion, instead of shouting loud enough for the whole neighbourhood to hear. But sadly enough, this is the real world – and in this life, you don’t get do-overs simply because you want it.</p>
<p>Time keeps moving – and Yahaba doesn’t pause when he sees Kyoutani step forward, his hands reaching forward with the clear intention to grab Yahaba by his shirt in frustration. There’s a distinct moment in which they’re looking each other right in the eye. Yahaba stares into pools of gold; some of Kyoutani’s Gift breaking through in his anger, and he doesn’t hesitate. Even now, he wants to kiss Kyoutani just as much as he wants to hit him. It’s excruciating.</p>
<p>“Don’t touch me!”</p>
<p>It’s unclear what hurts Kyoutani more; Yahaba’s tone or the way he wrenched his body backwards – away from those reaching hands. He looks like Yahaba just slapped him, as he watches the setter shuffle backwards in clear discomfort.</p>
<p>For all the times Yahaba has seen Kyoutani angry, Kentarou has never before looked truly <em>hurt</em> like this.<em> 'Like he has never felt this particular kind of pain before...'</em></p>
<p>“You’re just like the others.”</p>
<p><em>‘But then again,’</em> Shigeru thinks, as he watches Kyoutani stomp away without looking back once, <em>‘neither have I.’</em></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>:v</p>
<p>NOTES NOTES NOTES!<br/>1. Quote of my beta: ‘yahaba is a bit melodramatic, but I guess he's a teenage boy suffering from heartbreak, so I'll give it a pass :p’ - I hope you'll all forgive me for my melodramatics in the second half of this story as well xD but to be fair; he is a teenager who gets his heart broken (kind of)<br/>2. I love the idea of Yahaba being a metal fan while Kyoutani mostly listens to rap and Jpop/Kpop<br/>3. Megamind is the film I watched with my fiancé, the night we got engaged. I wanted to give it a shout out for being one if the BEST MOVIES EVER, now even more than before – please give it a try if you’ve never seen it before!<br/>4. The panda bear at the foot of Kyou's bed was based on the big Ikea panda I have myself ^^ He's called Sir ButtY (can read it as 'small butt' or 'but why'). I got him from my fiancée bc he keeps comparing me to a clip of a panda he saw once, who didn't let go of his Chinese keeper trying to clean the area in the zoo that panda was living in; it just kept clinging to his leg. I included this bear bc I personally see Kyoutani as a fervent hugger! ^^ THAT BOY DESERVES ALL THE CUDDLES, OKAY?! I'LL FIGHT ANYONE WHO DISAGREES! PEOPLE WHO WANT TO JOIN MY LET-KYOUTANI-CUDDLE-AGENDA CAN LET ME KNOW IN THE COMMENTS!<br/>5. I blatantly stole the ‘more than 2’ joke about the posters from my bf's day to day dumb comments :')<br/>6. Kyoutani himself doesn't have a bad relationship with his parents &amp; they both love him incredibly much. It's just that his parents argue a lot about the mentioned issues &amp; Kyou is a good boyo who wants to help (even though he shouldn't). Kyoutani nearly always seems to have a bad relationship with his father in fics, and I wanted to twist it around a little, so I focused on his mom instead.</p>
<p>Finally some things I can explain about the past chapters:<br/>7. When Kyoutani was shouting at Oikawa for pitying him, it's because he could sense Oikawa's feelings. He can only vaguely interpret them from a distance, and only truly 'feels' them when he lets them 'wash over him', kinda. Oikawa didn't mean anything bad by it at all, he was just feeling for his teammate, but Kyou didn't like that one bit.<br/>8. Kyoutani let Yahaba touch him &amp; give him pats because the wave of positive emotions from both sides made it feel like a feedback-loop &amp; he was kind of melting from all the comfort. He made sure that whenever this happened, Yahaba would always stand behind Kyoutani, so he wouldn't see Kentarou using his Gift.<br/>9. The reason why Kyoutani so abruptly looked at Yahaba in chapter 2 (with the girl hiding behind the trees) is bc he noticed the large shift in Yahaba's feelings<br/>when Shigeru starts to realize that he /does/ like Kyoutani in a way that's not all that platonic. The sudden mania/happy embarassement was enough to catch Kentarou's attention. After this moment Kyoutani relaxes more - he gets a lot of hope and thinks he might have a chance with Shigeru bc of the strong flow of happiness Yahaba starts exuding every time that they're together. It's makes Kyoutani want to be around his setter even more.<br/>10. Kyoutani is often grumpy during training when Oikawa overworks himself, because he takes a part of Iwaizumi's worries and Oikawa's anxiety away from them and carries it within himself. Neither of the third-years know about this.</p>
<p>A last note: MENTAL ISSUES ARE NO EXCUSE FOR AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP.<br/>While I don’t want to paint Kyoutani’s mother as a villain (I honestly don't see her that way at all), and she carries her own struggles - she is clearly ‘in the wrong’ in this au. Her suffering doesn’t mean that it’s alright to take all positivity away from her husband and make him suffer as well. I can tell you that she /will/ get better, and the situation will be very different one year from the ‘now’ in the story. They'll go to therapy both separately as well as as a couple, and it will work out for them.<br/>I want to be clear that NO ONE! should ever feel obligated to sacrifice their own mental health for another human, not even if it’s your partner. I don’t mean to say that you ‘should just stick around and everything will turn out okay’, but in this story, that is what happens.</p>
<p>Thank you again to the people taking some of their time to leave me a comment! ^^ It really makes my day!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. A touch of gold</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p><em>“You have to remember that it’s not </em>him <em>you’re fighting with. No matter what problem you are having; it’s you two versus the problem, not you versus Kyoutani.”</em></p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey hey hey! :D</p>
<p>Let’s go save these idiots’ relationship!</p>
<p>This week's explained Gifts:<br/>
Gift user: Iwaizumi Hajime<br/>
Colour Shine: Dark blue<br/>
Gift name: Advice<br/>
Gift abilities: Iwaizumi's Gift lends him the power to say exactly what someone needs to hear in that moment. For that reason, he's obviously really good at speeching and/or giving advice.</p>
<p>BONUS HINATA!<br/>
Gift user: Hinata Shouyou<br/>
Colour Shine: Yellow<br/>
Gift name: Friendship<br/>
Gift abilities: Hinata's Gift is very much like Aone's, in the way that it's nearly always activated in some way. His Gift allows him to become friends with everyone around him. The effect is not always visible, because some people don't want to show their affection (cough cough Tsukki), but it's always true - and they /do/ all see him as a friend.</p>
<p>Edit: I'll post the wonderful artwork that I commissioned from Lissa in the end notes of this chapter! ^^</p>
<p>Edit2: also PLEASE CHECK OUT THE WONDERFUL BIRTHDAY ART THAT MARINA GIFTED ME - I'm still crying about it, I love it so damn much 😭😭😭</p>
<p>
  <strong>Please read the end notes as well, after reading this chapter. ❤</strong>
</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=emkLsY0EEz4&amp;ab_channel=MartinLukeBrown-Topic">Martin Luke Brown - Grit Your Teeth</a>
</p>
<p>
  <strong> <em>“So give me your, give me your, give me your all</em> </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong> <em>I'll run when you run and I'll stay when you fall</em> </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong> <em>So give me your, give me your, give me your all”</em> </strong>
</p><hr/>
<p>
  <strong>LiBro, (15:57): And?!?!?!!! How did it go?</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>LiBro, (15:59): You can tell me if you kissed and made up like in the movies, I promise I won’t laugh</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>LiBro, (15:59): Well, not TOO hard anyway :p</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>LiBro, (16:21): So? :)</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>LiBro, (19:16): Shigeru?</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>         (seen at 19:42)</strong>
</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>The next days of practice are a nightmare.</p>
<p>Kyoutani and Yahaba’s relationship appears to have shrunk back down to what they had <em>before</em> coach ordered them to form a connection. Even when they’re doing sets together, they hardly talk to each other. Yahaba refers to Kyoutani as ‘number 16’, whereas Kyoutani forgoes mentioning Yahaba’s name or position at all.</p>
<p>Their refusal to communicate seems to flow from completely different sources, though. Kyoutani avoids Yahaba at all costs, rejecting any and all phone calls, even that one time when Yahaba tried to reach him on Watari’s phone instead. Yahaba, on the other hand, has serious doubts about his ability to reign himself in. He fears he’ll accidentally reveal Kyoutani’s secrets if they start arguing on the court, surrounded by their teammates, and so he ends up doing nothing at all.</p>
<p>With every day that goes by, the pulsing vein on coach Irihata’s temple starts to look slightly more terrifying. It’s like waiting for a bomb to go off and it makes it even harder to concentrate during practice. But honestly, Shigeru would rather face off with Irihata and his obvious frustration than with Kyoutani, at this point.</p>
<p>After his anger-fueled adrenaline had finally died down, Yahaba was left feeling empty. All his previous attempts to talk to Kyoutani have failed, but even if he <em>did</em> end up successfully cornering the ace-to-be, then he’d still have no way of fixing the situation. It’s not like he can just tell Kyoutani ‘that he was wrong and he doesn’t mind whether Kyoutani puts his mental health in constant jeopardy or not’, he just can’t. There’s no way out.</p>
<p>Shigeru has been sleeping badly since the evening of their argument, mentally replaying the same scene <em>again and again,</em> looking for a way out – for something he can say that won’t set Kyoutani off like he did before. His growing eyebags, caused by his recent lack of sleep, didn’t go unnoticed by the team either. Just this morning, Matsukawa had jokingly asked if he had decided to start wearing make-up too, to match Kyoutani’s look. He’d shut up when Yahaba glared at him, stunned by the otherwise so polite second-year’s reaction, before starting what Yahaba suspected to be a mental gossiping session with Hanamaki – fully black eyes following Shigeru as he marched off to restart his serve drills.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“Don’t overdo it, Shige-chan! You still need your arms if you want to toss.”</p>
<p>
  <em>‘Just 9 more.’</em>
</p>
<p>“Oh? So you <em>do</em> know what the appropriate amount of practice time is? How about you take your own advice, hah, Shittykawa?”</p>
<p>“Iwa-chan, stop hitting-!”</p>
<p>
  <em>‘8…’</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>‘7…’</em>
</p>
<p>“Hey, Yahaba? Did you hear what I said?”</p>
<p>Yahaba <em>does</em> hear him, sort-off, in between the white noise that has taken over his brain after his 60<sup>th</sup> serve. He supposes he should take note about Oikawa falling back on using his last name, which he rarely does, but he’s almost there…</p>
<p>
  <em>‘6…’</em>
</p>
<p>“’s okay, Tooru – let me do it, this time?”</p>
<p>“Just 5 more!” Yahaba shouts, hoping they didn’t catch the stumble in his step as he runs up to slam against the ball, which sears over the net, slamming down in the outer left corner.</p>
<p>
  <em>‘4…’</em>
</p>
<p>Yahaba nearly jumps out of his skin when a strong hand lands on his shoulder, the second he straightens back up. He ends up dropping the ball he intended to complete his 73<sup>rd</sup> serve with, and watches it roll away as it hits the floor with a thump.</p>
<p>“Iwaizumi-san.”</p>
<p>“Come with me, Yahaba. We’re going to the nurse’s office.”</p>
<p>Yahaba just stares at him in confusion. “I’m not hurt?” But Iwaizumi doesn’t seem to listen.</p>
<p>“Let’s go.”</p>
<p>“But coach-”</p>
<p>“-said that I could take you there; now <em>move.</em>”</p>
<p>There’s nothing Yahaba can do but walk. They leave the gym together, Iwaizumi following right in Yahaba’s footsteps, and Shigeru is surprised for a second time when Iwaizumi tells him to stop walking right after they’ve closed the door behind them.</p>
<p>“I thought we were going to the infirmary?”</p>
<p>“We’re not,” Iwaizumi admits, “but I wanted a word with you.”</p>
<p>He moves further along the low concrete platform until he’s near the stairs, tapping the ground next to him in invitation as he sits down. Yahaba doesn’t move.</p>
<p>“I mean; you can keep standing there awkwardly, if you want, it’s all the same to me. Just make sure that you don’t keep pushing yourself too hard, after that stunt you pulled earlier.”</p>
<p>As if on command, Yahaba’s tiredness catches up with him, and he has to focus all of his remaining energy to go stand next to Iwaizumi before his knees buckle. He winces as he drops down, landing harder than he expected, but Iwaizumi is kind enough not to mention it.</p>
<p>“I have to get back in a couple of minutes. I had clean up duty with-”</p>
<p>“Oikawa will take care of it,” Iwaizumi says, handing Yahaba the water bottle he took with him.</p>
<p>Yahaba accepts it gratefully, and his mind feels the tiniest amount clearer after he drains half the bottle. Iwaizumi takes it back with a small nod, his focused gaze not straying from Yahaba’s face for even a second. The ace doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t have to. Yahaba knows what he wants.</p>
<p>“It’s not that simple, you know.”</p>
<p>Iwaizumi smiles, still watching Yahaba’s every move attentively. “I figured. Is it ever, with you two?”</p>
<p>Yahaba fails to see the humor in his statement. “I can’t tell you what happened. I promised I wouldn’t.”</p>
<p>The expected scolding stays out.</p>
<p>“I didn’t ask you to do anything like that, did I? We’re just having a talk.”</p>
<p>Yahaba stares at him in disbelief. <em>‘How does he expect to achieve anything by talking, without Yahaba revealing what their argument is about?’</em></p>
<p>“Honestly, it would really help if you told me <em>something</em>, I guess.” Iwaizumi admits, “but details aren’t always needed to find new solutions to a problem. I know you guys are fighting. Did you try to make up?”</p>
<p>“He doesn’t want to,” Yahaba sighs. “I should have known from the start that something like this would happen. We were getting way too-… Anyway. We had a fight about… about… a disagreement.” He finishes a little unhelpfully.</p>
<p>“About the team? Or?”</p>
<p>“No, no, something personal. Something that I can’t change my mind about. And he doesn’t listen to me at all – he just keeps doing things that are… I mean, they aren’t good for him, I think, but when I tell him, he-”</p>
<p>“-just gets mad or avoids listening to reason?”</p>
<p>Yahaba gives a sullen nod, causing Iwaizumi to scoff slightly. “Yeah, that type of behavior can get annoying <em>real</em> quick.”</p>
<p>Yahaba nods again, more enthusiastically now that his senpai seems to support his case. “-but you <em>do</em> realize that you were doing the exact same thing back there, right?”</p>
<p>“-what?” Despite leaning back on his palms, and having the sensation of rough concrete press up against his skin, Yahaba still feels like the ground falls away beneath him.</p>
<p>“You were overdoing it. And you didn’t respond when we told you to stop. You’ll lose all your progress if you get hurt by disregarding your own body like that. A leader should take care of themselves if they want to take care of a team – you should remember that for next year.”</p>
<p>Yahaba says nothing, staring at the ground stubbornly. <em>‘It’s not the same at all.’</em></p>
<p>“So?” Iwaizumi prompts, “why is it that you can do things like that while Kyoutani isn’t allowed the same courtesy?”</p>
<p>“It was just once!” Yahaba says defensively. “And I was going to stop right after. It’s not like I do it all the time? <em>I </em>don’t behave like that every day, at least, and everyone can see that it’s bad, but he’s never taken the time to stop and reconsider that he maybe shouldn’t use-” Shigeru bites his tongue, unwilling to reveal more. He can’t allow himself to get angry and say too much, even though he knows that Iwaizumi is probably the most trustworthy person he has ever met.</p>
<p>“Use…” Iwaizumi squints at Yahaba, who can feel dread rise up inside his chest as he watches his teammate start to connect the dots.</p>
<p>
  <em>‘But he doesn’t know. He doesn’t. It’s alright – there’s no way-’</em>
</p>
<p>“Hey, Shigeru,” Iwaizumi starts, causing Yahaba to look up at him in shock, which seemed to be exactly what the ace wanted. “This is a simple yes or no question…”</p>
<p>He pauses to see if Yahaba will continue looking him in the eyes and then promptly blurts out: “do you know about Kyoutani’s Gift?”</p>
<p>Times seems to slow down and fast forward all at once.</p>
<p>Slowly, Yahaba nods once, keeping eye contact with Iwaizumi the entire time.</p>
<p>“I see.”</p>
<p>“Do… you know as well, then, Iwaizumi-san?”</p>
<p>“Kind off.” The third-year mumbles. “Oikawa told me enough to know that it’s why he is always that pent-up. He didn’t tell me everything, but I know enough. The coaches would have told us more, if it had been important. When Oikawa became captain, I mean. But seeing as they never really got mad at him for… well, basically, being an angry little shit on most occasions, we kind of suspected an Empath-like Gift already.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” Yahaba breathes. He wonders if Kyoutani knows about this.</p>
<p>Iwaizumi appears to have read his mind, because he continues: “we told him, last year, that we knew he was an Empath, or something close to it. It wasn’t even a big deal, we were just making conversation. Oikawa had reeled me into ‘bonding more with our future team’, he air-quotes sarcastically. I’m afraid Kyoutani didn’t like it too much. He quit the team a couple of days after. I think Oikawa still takes it personally. He changed his entire approach afterwards, which is why we hardly ever tell him to stop being pissed off.”</p>
<p>“Sorry about that, by the way,” he adds as an afterthought. “I know you guys had lots of issues working together because of it, but it’s not like we could tell the rest of the team, and Kyoutani clearly didn’t want to.”</p>
<p>“I understand,” Yahaba says, ignoring the lingering confusion. He wonders what he would have done, if he’d been in Oikawa’s shoes.</p>
<p>“So. Is that what you were arguing about? Something Gift-related? Or is it something else?”</p>
<p>Saying ‘yes’ brings more relief than Yahaba ever could have expected. It’s <em>freeing</em> to talk to Iwaizumi this way, unafraid of accidentally revealing secrets the other boy clearly knows about already, even if he doesn’t know everything.</p>
<p>“Right… Well, do you want to talk about it? We don’t have too much time, but if there’s something I can help with?”</p>
<p>“How would you try to fix an argument,” Yahaba mutters, weighing his every word, “with a friend who… has a Gift that allows them to sense things? What do you do when they run away, every time you try to talk about it? And why do they even get into arguments in the first place? Shouldn’t the other person <em>know, </em>or… feel, whatever, that whatever you say is<em> not</em> said with malice?”</p>
<p>Iwaizumi seems to chew on the inside of his cheeks as he thinks. Eventually he sets aside the water bottle that he was fiddling with, and says. “I could give some advice, I think?”</p>
<p>Yahaba says nothing, waiting for a more detailed answer. He realizes that he missed some sort of cue when pools of inky blue start to take over his senpai’s eyes. Shigeru can’t even bring himself to feel annoyed, he really <em>could</em> use some good advice right now. Iwaizumi grins at him sheepishly, more than aware that he's unable to hide his Gift-use from his teammate.</p>
<p>“It’s well known that Empaths can use their Gift to feel what others are feeling, when they want to. They can sense what other people are going through, or what mood they are in, when they focus on that person. But that doesn’t mean that they are any better at interpreting those specific sensations than regular people. Even if Kyoutani could read your every emotion at all times, that doesn’t mean that he also knows <em>why</em> you are feeling those things. And even if he <em>did</em> – he still has his own emotions to process as well; it’s unfair to ask one person to do the emotional work for two – that’s not how friendship works. Conflicts should be solved, and avoided, by equal amounts of effort as much as possible.”</p>
<p>Yahaba wonders if Iwaizumi knows what he is going to say before the words are flowing out of his mouth, or if he’s just as surprised by them as Shigeru is. He doesn’t correct his senpai about the ‘Empath’ terminology – the advice is still useful, even if that’s not exactly how Kyoutani’s Gift works.</p>
<p>“You have to remember that it’s not <em>him</em> you’re fighting with. No matter what problem you are having; it’s you two versus the problem, not you versus Kyoutani.”</p>
<p>Behind them, the door to the gym falls shut before Yahaba has time to respond – revealing a puffing Oikawa. “You guys <em>really</em> don’t know how to keep your voices down, do you? I could hear you all the way-”</p>
<p>“What are you doing here, Crappykawa?”</p>
<p>Oikawa tuts at the admonishment. “So brutish, Iwa-chan! See, <em>that’s </em>why I could hear you all the way inside, you’re-”</p>
<p>“If you could hear us, that is only because you were standing next to the door, you idiot. Aren’t you supposed to be helping Kunimi with clean<em>-</em>up right now?”</p>
<p>“It’s a very distinctive tone of brutishness,” Oikawa sniffs, clearly holding back a grin, “I’m sure the others would have heard it too. And since you <em>obviously</em> need my expert opinion on this situation, I decided you two needed my help way more than Kunimi does. I’m doing the greater work out here, Iwa-chan!” He ignores Iwaizumi’s grumbling and focuses on Yahaba instead, his tone serious as he asks: “So you’re having issues with Kyoutani’s Gift, I take it?”</p>
<p>“More with the way he uses it, I’d say.”</p>
<p>“Right, well, I think you-”</p>
<p>“I heard you, you know.” Yahaba suddenly interrupts. “When you were arguing with Kyoutani, before. Did you get him to listen to you then?”</p>
<p>It takes a couple of seconds for Oikawa to connect the dots, and he replies with a grim nod when he realizes what Shigeru is talking about. “Yes. I tried to warn him not to overuse it, but I don’t think he liked it very much. Nobody likes to talk about their weaknesses, I guess, but <em>his</em> is a strong one.” He sighs, turning sideways so he can lean back against the wall as he ponders on what to say next. “People praise selflessness all the time, but there’s a hidden danger in being too altruistic as well. The feeling of helping others can be really addicting, even when you have to do some unethical things to get there, sometimes. Why is it always the pretty Gifts that have the darkest side effects?”</p>
<p>Oikawa cuts himself off before either of his teammates have enough time to respond. “Anyway – you were asking how I made him listen to me? The answer is that I didn’t, of course. Kyouken is a fierce one, but since his earlier talk with Iwa-chan didn’t seem to have much effect, I thought I still had the responsibility to try. He’s hard to talk to, about this, but I’m sure you’ll get there in the end, Shigeru.”</p>
<p>Yahaba nods somberly. He still hasn’t discussed the thing that bothered him most, but he’s not sure <em>how</em> he is supposed to bring it up anyway, and <em>if </em>he even really wants to, in the first place.</p>
<p>“Is that all you guys fought about?”</p>
<p>For the first time in as far as he can remember, Yahaba wishes his captain wasn’t as observant as he’s known to be. He tries to avoid Oikawa’s shrewd gaze, looking down instead of to the side, where he would just be faced with Iwaizumi’s intense focus instead.</p>
<p>“It was… the main issue.”</p>
<p>Shigeru can feel the colour rising to his cheeks and he has to fight the urge to hide behind his hands. Oikawa tries to hold back a snigger, failing to hide it convincingly as a cough.</p>
<p>Before Yahaba has time to feel insulted, Iwaizumi speaks up. “You shouldn’t be scared to tell him what is bothering you. Letting the both of you share your experiences can bring you two closer together, as long as you don’t expect the other person to necessarily agree with your point of view. It might be a good idea for you to propose finding some professional help, too. Neither of you is particularly knowledgeable on this subject anyway, and it’s not like Kyoutani would be obligated to continue going. He could stop at any time. As for any other issues; Kyouken values straightforward honesty.”</p>
<p>“You sound so smart when you do that, Iwa~chan!” Oikawa hums thoughtfully, “it’s a shame it’s not a constant thing.” He is undeterred by his boyfriend’s glare. Meanwhile, blue swirls start to pull away from Iwaizumi’s eyes, the shine of his Gift disappearing with them. “If I was <em>really</em> that smart, then I’d probably have better taste in boyfriends as well,” Iwaizumi says, absolutely willing to insult himself if it means dragging Oikawa down with him.</p>
<p>“Iwaizumi-san,” Yahaba interrupts before his captain can launch into an insulted rant, “Kyoutani doesn’t scare me at all. I can handle him.”</p>
<p>“Well, I actually meant the emotional aspect – but sure, that works too.”</p>
<p>After that, the ace gets too distracted by Oikawa’s whining to catch Yahaba’s response, who gives up after watching his senpai’s try to put each other in a headlock.</p>
<p>He’s not all that afraid for Kyoutani and his relationship to fully fall apart, even under the current circumstances. It might not fully turn out the way he hopes it will, but he firmly believes they can at least repair their friendship. And if his friendship can be fixed, then why would they have to stop there? After all, if Oikawa was able to charm someone as stubborn and intimidating as Iwaizumi, couldn’t Shigeru do so as well? In all honesty, confronting Kyoutani still sounds quite scary in his mind, no matter how confidently he just countered Iwaizumi’s argument. He’ll just have to believe it’ll work out. Sharing his thoughts properly managed to work on Iwaizumi, at least, and Yahaba finds him way scarier than Kentarou has ever been.</p>
<p>“Let’s go back inside,” Iwaizumi calls from near the door, shaking a momentarily disoriented Yahaba from his thoughts. “You should still help with the end of clean-up, asskawa!”</p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah,” Oikawa mutters, fixing his hair where Iwaizumi had smushed it under his arm earlier. “He extends his hand to help Yahaba back up, stopping him for a second before they walk back to the gym. “It may be better for you to not wait too long to have that conversation, you know? Matsun and Makki have been following Kyoutani around, trying to cheer him up – so it may be best to make your move before they have enough time to… you know, <em>do something.</em>”</p>
<p>“Something helpful, of course!” he quickly adds, as he catches Shigeru’s expression. “But still…”</p>
<p>
  <em>‘Ah, yes, that’s exactly what I needed; our resident meme team on the loose. Though it would be nice if they got Kentarou to laugh again.’</em>
</p>
<p>He quickly diverts his thoughts from that particular path, asking: “Are you sure that’s all they’re up to? They’re not planning something weird, are they?”</p>
<p>“What they’re planning?” Iwaizumi scoffs as he pulls open the door. “Knowing those two – some kind of scheme, probably.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>With the threat of an overly helpful pair of third-years on the back of his mind, Shigeru wants to waste as little time as possible before talking to Kyoutani. Sadly enough, the wing spiker doesn’t seem to have received the memo, and he continues avoiding Yahaba as valiantly as usual.</p>
<p>It's been almost 3 days since his conversation with Iwaizumi, and Shigeru still hasn’t gotten any closer to actually holding a conversation about the topics he wants to discuss. The main issue appears to be that Kyoutani runs away every damn time he spots Yahaba coming towards him. They don’t have enough time to talk during practice, and Kyoutani makes sure that he’s the last one to arrive and the first one to leave when practice is over.</p>
<p>There <em>was</em> that one time when Watari had locked the both of them in a storage unit to talk, after practice, but Kyoutani had crawled out of the small window by the time Shigeru had turned around, leading to Yahaba yelling himself hoarse through the door so Shinji would let him out – too stubborn to crawl outside of the window too and run after Kyoutani. He wasn’t <em>that</em> desperate. Yet.</p>
<p>He had also briefly entertained the idea of waiting for Kyoutani after one of his classes were over, but that obviously didn’t work. Even aside from the fact that both of their classes always ended at more or less the same time, Kyoutani was always gone by the time Yahaba could reach his classroom. The added knowledge that Kyoutani would hate being confronted like that in front of his classmates made sure that Yahaba let go of that plan pretty quickly.</p>
<p>Watari had suggested for him to just walk to Kyoutani’s house and knock on the door until someone lets him in, but Shigeru had shot that plan down at once. He didn’t think that accidentally bumping into Kyoutani’s mother would make for a very good conversation topic.</p>
<p>There <em>has</em> to be another way? Something he hasn’t thought of yet? Someone he could ask for advice who’d look at things in a new light…</p>
<p><em>‘Maybe,’</em> he thinks, as he watches Matsukawa poke a grumpy Kyoutani in his cheek on the other side of the gym <em>‘the ends </em>do<em> justify the means sometimes.’</em></p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Asking Matsukawa and Hanamaki for help turns out to be more effective than Shigeru ever could have dreamed.</p>
<p>He’s waiting behind the corner of one of their school buildings, ready to intercept Kyoutani – whom he supposes will be sent his way <em>somehow,</em> when an agitated Kentarou bolts around the corner so quickly that he crashes straight into Yahaba and the both of them go down with a yell, arms flailing.</p>
<p>“It’s you!” Kyoutani grunts, crawling backwards to rub his hand over his forehead where he knocked it against Shigeru’s skull. Yahaba gapes at him like a fish that was plucked out of water. His mind is completely blank as he stares at the boy before him.</p>
<p>“Wait, it’s <em>you!</em>” Kentarou repeats, suddenly pointing at Yahaba.</p>
<p>“Yes, you’ve just said so,” Yahaba says snarkily.</p>
<p>Having Kyoutani this close to him after almost two weeks of silence is overwhelming in a way Shigeru didn’t expect at all. It’s not like he didn’t see Kentarou in practice, so why does it feel so-?</p>
<p>“<em>You</em> sent those two idiots, didn’t you? I knew they were up to something! I could sense it – they were way too… too normal,” he finishes weakly. Now that Kyoutani is starting to get over the surprise of crashing into the exact person he was trying to avoid, an awkwardness they have never shared before seems to descend down on them like a weighted blanket.</p>
<p>For a short moment, they both sit there, completely still except for Kyoutani’s heavy breathing. It feels strangely like someone hit a giant pause button, and the two of them are the only people moving right now – forcing the world to a standstill because of the ever-rising tension between them.</p>
<p>“I wanted to talk to you,” Yahaba finally forces out.</p>
<p>“I know.”</p>
<p>“I’m… disappointed that we’re still like this. That it feels like we’re back to arguing all the time, like before. Can’t we just-…? What are you doing?”</p>
<p>Kyoutani doesn’t wait for Shigeru to finish his thought, pushing himself up from the ground and grabbing his bag, clearly eager to leave this situation, and Yahaba, behind.</p>
<p>But Shigeru has had enough of this.</p>
<p>“Running away from things isn’t your style, Ken.”</p>
<p>Contrary to his expectations, Kyoutani doesn’t get mad at him. “There are some things you can’t fight. I’m simply delaying the inevitable.”</p>
<p>“The…? What are you <em>talking</em> about? Look, listen, I-”</p>
<p>“No, <em>you</em> listen!” Kyoutani suddenly barks out. He slings his backpack over one shoulder, frowning down at Yahaba as he speaks. “I accept your apology, alright? There’s nothing more to talk about. You can leave it be, now.”</p>
<p>He starts to turn around, and Yahaba quickly scrambles upright as well, determined to keep Kyoutani from escaping again. “That wasn’t what I was doing! I’m not apologizing! Well, maybe a little, but not about the whole thing…”</p>
<p>He stares at Kyoutani’s back, relieved that he at least stopped moving. Actually, it might be better that the blonde had turned away for this, it makes saying the next couple of sentences aloud a lot less embarrassing.</p>
<p>“I wanted… Euhm… Don’t laugh, okay? I just kinda… I miss hanging out? Yeah. So… Can’t we just get closer again, like before? I know we have to talk about… the other things too, about what was said, but in the meantime – can’t we just-…? Why are you looking at me like that?”</p>
<p>Kyoutani had turned to face him halfway during his explanation, a surprised look on his face.</p>
<p>“You ‘want to get closer again’?”</p>
<p>“I… Yes?”</p>
<p>“Oh. I guess I didn’t expect…” his voice dies down, and he stares even more intently at Yahaba’s face, like he’s trying to catch him in a lie.</p>
<p>“Is this about what I said at the playgr-? You know what; no. We’ll talk about that later. Why are you acting this surprised, anyway? Did you really think I’d just let things be? That I wouldn’t try to fix things, just because we had an argument?”</p>
<p><em>‘Is that how shallow our connection was to you?’</em> his mind painfully adds.</p>
<p>“You shouldn’t be the one accusing <em>me?!</em> I just wanted to calm you down, but <em>you</em> stepped back, saying- and your face-” Kyoutani cuts himself off again, clearly still upset over what happened. “I had <em>literally</em> just told you how the other people reacted? The couple idiots who knew about my Gift before? How they treated me, just because they were scared I was going to ‘use it on them’ or whatever. And you did just the same, right after I told you about it!? Don’t act like you’re okay with it if it’s just to salvage some superficial friendship! How do you think it feels to be friends with someone who’s disgusted by your Gift?”</p>
<p>Yahaba gapes back at him in open-mouthed astonishment. He knows that he must look <em>incredibly</em> stupid right now, but Kyoutani’s rant seem to come out of nowhere and he doesn’t have a clue what to say for a moment.</p>
<p>In the end, he just says: “You don’t scare me. And your Gift doesn’t either. Nor is it disgusting, and I’ve <em>never</em> thought that it was – not even for a second. I wasn’t upset about your Gift itself, at that point, I was just… The important thing is that your Gift itself isn’t an issue for me.”</p>
<p>He shuts up for a second, offering Kyoutani some time to process it all, before he continues with: “-but even if you <em>did</em> believe all those things, I still don’t get why you would just run away? Wouldn’t it have been better to just tell me to my face that you didn’t want to be…” The thought is too uncomfortable to say aloud, and so Yahaba doesn’t. Not that he has to. For once, Kyoutani seems to know exactly what he means, even without words.</p>
<p>“Don’t laugh,” he says, echoing Yahaba’s words.</p>
<p>“I don’t remember ever being in a situation less funny than this one, actually.”</p>
<p>Despite his words, the uncertainty doesn’t quite seem to leave Kentarou’s gaze. He does put his school bag back down, though, and Yahaba is ready to count anything as a win at this point.</p>
<p>“It’s a little dramatic to say it out loud,” Kyoutani mumbles reluctantly. “Don’t laugh!” he repeats warningly, “but… I…” He sighs. “Honestly, I didn’t want to talk because I was sure that you were going to tell me to stay away, like the others did. I’d rather stay in a shitty kinda friendship where we don’t talk much, than not be friends with you at all. So I guess avoiding it seemed like the best idea? I knew you probably weren’t going to kick me off the team, but I still didn’t want to…”</p>
<p>Kyoutani appears to notice the incredulity in Yahaba’s eyes, because he turns defensive at once. “Don’t look at me like that! You literally told me to stay away, and you accused me of reading your feelings or some shit? You walked backwards so I couldn’t touch you?! What the fuck was I supposed to think, then?”</p>
<p>“What do you <em>mean?</em>” Shigeru asks urgently, “about ‘not reading me’? That’s what your Gift is, right?”</p>
<p>“I told you before?” Kyoutani breathes, and it’s clear that he has to hold back from letting his anger take over again. “I only sense negative emotions when I’m not actively reading someone, because that’s when people let their guards down the most. And I rarely read anyone when I’m out of the house – why the fuck would I even do that? I still don’t understand why you were that mad about it, either. It’s not like I was spying on people? I just wanted to help, sometimes…”</p>
<p>“That was about… I was the angriest about something else,” Yahaba says evasively. “But I don’t think now is the right time to talk about it. I promise I’ll tell you later, okay?”</p>
<p>He waits for Kyoutani to nod warily, his heart pounding as his mind races to keep up. <em>‘So he </em>didn’t <em>know after all? But how can that be? They were touching so many times – sitting shoulder to shoulder nearly every time they were watching movies, and-?’ </em></p>
<p>He'll have to think it over later.</p>
<p>“I feel like I’ve said this 50 times by now, but I’m not scared of your Gift. Frankly, it leaves me cold what your Gift does, exactly – as long as you don’t use it to hurt yourself. I’m sorry that I made you feel shit about it, but that wasn’t my intention. What I’m <em>not</em> sorry about, is freaking out when you told me about your mother, even though I know that I was acting stupid at the time.”</p>
<p>Yahaba takes a deep breath, before continuing: “you-,” he looks at Kyoutani pleadingly, hoping that his words will reach him this time, “<em>come</em> <em>on,</em> Ken? you <em>must</em> know that what you’re doing isn’t healthy? For yourself and the others around you? I know you’re doing it for the good of others, but I really think you should stop.”</p>
<p>“I can’t.”</p>
<p>Kyoutani’s voice is oddly small, for such a strong person.</p>
<p>“I can’t stop… Mom will collapse even more if I do, and dad isn’t able to carry it all by himself anymore, I can’t do that to him.”</p>
<p><em>‘Small steps,’</em> a voice remarkably like Iwaizumi’s echoes in Shigeru’s brain, <em>‘small steps.’ </em></p>
<p>“Well, stop doing it around the team, then, at the very least? Also – don’t get mad about this, it’s just an idea – but maybe we can find someone for you to talk to, in that case? Someone who could help you better? With, you know, <em>everything?</em> It might convince your mom to go too, you know? If she sees that it helps you? It’s worth a try, right?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, maybe… I don’t mind talking about it, I guess,” Kyoutani shrugs. “And the team… I don’t know. Okay, then? It’s not like it happens that often, but just… It feels really strong, after some of the matches. There’s a lot of pain, and I thought-… well… It’s not like it left a big impact on me anyhow; you get used to a certain amount of sadness, after a while. It feels weird <em>not</em> doing it.”</p>
<p>The pity Yahaba feels at hearing this is overwhelming. He wonders how Kyoutani got to this point; about how long it must have taken him to feel so guilty about <em>not</em> using his Gift at home that he just never stopped. How much negativity does someone have to take in before they get to a point where they fail to notice ‘taking in some extra’? He is so lost in thought that he fails to register Kyoutani’s mounting agitation.</p>
<p>“Just fucking stop!”</p>
<p>“Wha-”</p>
<p>“Stop pitying me! Is <em>that</em> why you are doing all of this? Because you think I’m too damaged to make my own decisions? Why do you keep meddling with things that aren’t your business to begin with?!”</p>
<p>“Because I <em>care</em> about what happens to you, you dumbass!” Yahaba barks back, his voice rising in his panic. <em>‘They just got through this. How does this keep happening?’ </em>“Come feel it for yourself, then, if you don’t believe me?”</p>
<p>Kyoutani freezes, and for a second Yahaba is sure that he won’t take him up on his offer, that he’s turned this into an even bigger blunder somehow – but then Kyoutani stomps forward, shrugging off his jacket and throwing it at his bag as he advances on Yahaba. He looks more like a bully getting ready to fight than like he’s going to hold someone’s hand and measure their emotions.</p>
<p>He stops right in front of Shigeru, his head tilted back the tiniest amount so they can look each other in the eye. “I thought you just told me not to do this?”</p>
<p>“I’m offering it up myself, aren’t I? That’s different. You’re not taking anything from me, this time.”</p>
<p>“Right,” Kyoutani huffs angrily. His eyes glide down Yahaba’s face, and for a wild second Shigeru wonders if he’s going to kiss him, to measure his feelings, but then Kyoutani pulls up the sleeve on his left arm – raising his hand until his fingers hover about a centimeter above the skin of Yahaba’s throat. </p>
<p>When he finally presses his fingertips into Yahaba’s skin, the contact seems to burn into him, creating a line of warmth down the length of Shigeru’s throat. Yahaba distantly wonders whether that’s a part of the Gift as well.</p>
<p>Kyoutani’s pinky finger twitches, settling right underneath the curve of his jaw, close to his ear. Shigeru can’t help but wish that Kyoutani would take a step back, though. This way, his heartbeat will betray him before his emotions do.</p>
<p>“Ready?”</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>Despite the stress permeating the entire situation, it’s hard not to get distracted when Kyoutani starts to activate his Gift. The light starts to grow stronger as he stops holding back, and Yahaba realizes with a start that he’d have recognized his feelings <em>months</em> <em>ago,</em> if he’d seen Kyoutani like this. When he’d caught glimpses of Kyou’s Gift before, he’d simply thought the colour had been a dull gold, but standing this close makes it look more like gold-infused sunlight.</p>
<p>“I have a right to ask you this,” Kyoutani says, and Shigeru wonders if he’s saying this to convince Yahaba, or himself. “Nearly everyone acts shitty when they found out about my Gift, and that’s exactly why I didn’t want to tell you. But you just kept digging until you found out anyway? Why did you do that? Why did you say those things, after we’d become… on the playground, why did you say it, then? If you didn’t mean it?”</p>
<p>“I’m not <em>scared</em> of your Gift,” Yahaba says for what feels like the 1000<sup>th</sup> time. “I just hate the way it’s affecting you. I care… I mean- you’re important to me. Of course. And-”</p>
<p>“Don’t lie,” Kyoutani interjects harshly.</p>
<p>Yahaba blinks down at the golden eyes frowning at his collarbones. It’s clear from Kentarou’s expression that he’s concentrating very hard.</p>
<p>“But I’m not? I’m telling the truth?”</p>
<p>“Something’s not right,” Kyoutani murmurs, “it felt wrong, when you were talking about… caring. Don’t say things just to flatter me. And don’t lie, I <em>will</em> feel it. Just fucking answer the question, will you? Why did you have to keep meddling? Was it for the team, or-?”</p>
<p>“I-”</p>
<p>Embarrassment washes over Yahaba as he realizes that saying ‘because I can’t bear to watch you suffer’ or ‘because every time we lock eyes I want to kiss you so bad that it’s scary and I just want you to be happy’, are too dramatic to ever say aloud, no matter how true the sentiment may be.</p>
<p>He’s still debating on a way to voice these thoughts out loud when Kyoutani steps back, pulling his hand away so fast that he almost hits Shigeru in the face.</p>
<p>Yahaba is so surprised by the blonde turning around and simply walking away, that he almost forgets to stop him from leaving. When the message finally gets through to his legs, he stumbles forward in his haste, reaching Kyoutani in a couple of seconds, and grabbing his shoulder to turn him around.</p>
<p>“<em>Hey?!</em> What are you doing? I thought you wanted to test me on how I-?”</p>
<p>Where he expected to see the remains of lingering anger, he sees something worse instead. Kyoutani’s expression is utterly detached. It forms a weird combination with his eyes, which are still a shining gold, but duller, compared to the blazing light from before. Shigeru doesn’t think he has ever seen Kyoutani make an expression that empty before. It’s just… <em>wrong. </em></p>
<p>“Why do you look like that?”</p>
<p>It’s like Kyoutani doesn’t hear him at all.</p>
<p>He appears to look <em>through</em> Yahaba, instead of <em>at</em> him, and when he talks, it’s more as if he’s talking to himself than to the distraught boy in front of him.</p>
<p>“You’re ashamed of me. Even back in primary school, that didn’t happen. Maybe they didn’t trust me, but at least they weren’t ashamed of being friends.”</p>
<p>“How can you <em>think</em> that?!”</p>
<p>“What do you <em>mean,</em> how can I think that? You just made me fucking feel it for myself?!” The anger in Kyoutani’s tone brings some life back into his face as Kentarou pulls away from Yahaba and tries to leave for a second time. He curses when Yahaba grabs him by his wrists, the setter’s hands trembling fiercely.</p>
<p><em>‘How many misunderstandings can people get into before they’re permanently done? Before they’re sick of it and refuse to try again? He can’t let it happen. It </em>can’t<em> happen like this, he just has to-’</em></p>
<p>“Try again.”</p>
<p>“No. And let go of me!”</p>
<p>“Try <em>again,</em>” Yahaba says more urgently, pressing his fingers more firmly against the inside of Kyoutani’s wrists. “Do it again. I swear I didn’t-… You’re <em>wrong.</em> You’re <em>so wrong,</em> I promise! Just do it again! Come on?”</p>
<p>The golden light flickers as Kyoutani eyes him with distrust. “Why the fuck would I want to feel that again?”</p>
<p>“You <em>won’t!</em> It’s just… It’s not something I can describe, you’ll understand better if I do it this way, come on- please?” Shigeru is breathing so fast that he’s lightly panting as he stares at Kyoutani imploringly, squinting a little against the light. “Just a few seconds… <em>Please?</em>”</p>
<p>The flickering ends. Kyoutani doesn’t stop him. He just stands there – his wrists limp in Yahaba’s hands.</p>
<p>“No more than 10 seconds.”</p>
<p>Shigeru doesn’t hesitate. He has wasted enough chances to let this one slip through his fingers too. He doesn’t know whether Kyoutani will like what’s about to happen, even more so after all the bullshit they’ve been through, the last two weeks – but even Kentarou’s disgust would be preferable to letting him think that Yahaba could ever be ashamed of their friendship.</p>
<p>Shigeru isn’t completely sure if his plan is working, but looking at Kyoutani makes him feel nervous, so he closes his eyes. He focuses on everything that makes up the beautiful, headstrong, grumpy boy in front of him – concentrating on the things that holding Kentarou’s hand makes him feel. Shigeru is used to holding back his feelings when they’re together, and he isn’t quite sure if they’re all shining through, but all he can do is try. His mind flits through all the things he wants to do together – the things he’s been longing for for months now, and he can feel his face start to burn as he tries <em>not</em> to hide his desire to kiss Kentarou’s stubborn face, or the elation he feels when he hears his friend’s laughter echo after a great spike.</p>
<p>There is no way Yahaba could have described any of this in words, even if he’d tried to. They’ve been standing like this for far longer than 10 seconds by now, but Yahaba is scared to let go, and he pushes back his worry as he tries to keep his thoughts positive, nervous about creating a new misunderstanding.</p>
<p>His head finally shoots up as Kyoutani twitches, slowly pulling his hands away from Yahaba. His face is as red as Yahaba’s feels.</p>
<p>“You… <em>idiot!?</em>”</p>
<p>Well… Out of all the possibilities, this wasn’t exactly a reaction Yahaba had expected. Kyoutani’s blush is spreading steadily from his nose to his cheeks as it starts to take over his whole face – and it’s really hard to determine the emotion behind it, even with his eyes turning back to their normal colour.</p>
<p>“Euh…” Yahaba says intelligently.</p>
<p>“You’re an asshole, d’you know that?!” Kyoutani says passionately, pushing against Yahaba’s chest and forcing him to take a couple of steps back.</p>
<p>“I…? <em>What?</em> I just told you-? I mean-, I just let you feel that I’m-? W-what I’m feeling and shit? How am <em>I </em>being an asshole about this?!”</p>
<p>“Why didn’t you just fucking <em>tell</em> <em>me?!</em> You made me think you were embarrassed by being friends, just now?! Or that you were scared and didn’t trust me – and meanwhile all this time you-, you-?!”</p>
<p>
  <em>‘Are you fucking really going to-?!’ </em>
</p>
<p>A fuse seems to blow in Yahaba’s mind as the last of his self-control slips through his fingers. It’s like he’s looking at himself from a great distance as he grabs Kentarou’s face between his hands and bellows: “I LIKE YOU, KYOUTANI! I like you a <em>lot,</em> okay?! The only thing I’m scared of is how much I want to kiss you, and I’ve been wanting to do that for <em>weeks,</em> so can we fucking <em>stop</em> bringing it up every 2 minutes?!”</p>
<p>Kyoutani is blinking quickly, his cheeks squished between Yahaba’s large hands as he searches for a correct way to respond.</p>
<p>“I… Okay… And I like you too, I guess.”</p>
<p>“You guess?”</p>
<p>“I do. Like you.”</p>
<p>Yahaba feels high on the combined rush of anxiety and hearing the words he’s been dreaming about for months. Largely because of this, it’s as if his brain shuts down; leaving laughter as the only remaining response.</p>
<p>“That’s… the absolute lamest answer you could’ve given.”</p>
<p>“Well we can’t <em>all</em> shout our feelings across the school grounds, that would kinda suck.”</p>
<p>Shigeru’s laughter fizzles into a snort as he leans forward and rests his forehead against Kyoutani’s – slightly dizzy with how fast the adrenaline is leaving his body. His hands slide down from Kyoutani’s face until they rest on his collarbones.</p>
<p>“I totally thought <em>you’d</em> be the one to shout though, out of the two of us.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, right? Because <em>I’m </em>the one slamming people up against the wall like a drama queen?”</p>
<p>“Does that mean you didn’t like it?”</p>
<p>Kyoutani’s mouth twitches. “At the time it happened? Not particularly…”</p>
<p>“At the time it happened…?”</p>
<p>Shigeru’s growing grin clearly means trouble, so Kyoutani swiftly distracts him by admitting: “I did mean it when I said I like you, you know? More than I planned to, anyway.”</p>
<p>“Good,” Yahaba breathes. His neck starts to feel a little annoying with the way he’s leaning forward, so he slumps down onto the grass instead, pulling Kyoutani down with him until they’re facing each other cross-legged, close enough for their knees to touch.</p>
<p>“Why didn’t you tell me before?” Kyoutani asks again. And Yahaba hums back questioningly, no longer scared of the conversation now that both of them know where they stand. He starts picking some of the small flowers from the grass, collecting them on top of Kyoutani’s right knee. “Why didn’t you tell me all of this the last time we met up? At the playground?”</p>
<p>“Well for <em>some reason,</em> we stopped talking before I got to that point.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, okay…” Kyoutani huffs, still thinking. “But you were mad too? Why did you get mad in the first place? I still don’t understand?”</p>
<p>“It’s not that hard to guess, is it?” Yahaba says, his tone mellow as he focusses on whether he should start placing the flowers on Kyoutani’s pant leg, or just keep piling them up on top of his knee instead. Kentarou lets him be as he waits, an amused smile on his face. “I… I’m still a little mad about it. A little. You must have guessed I liked you so long ago? And you didn’t do anything with it.”</p>
<p>“No, I didn’t?”</p>
<p>Yahaba looks up, searching Kyoutani’s face as the other boy simply sits there, shocked. “How could I have known?”</p>
<p>“You… literally checked my feelings and took some of my anxiety when I was feeling bad? So there must have been plenty of times when you checked and you saw that I was… Well, like I made you feel earlier, right? There’s <em>no way</em> you didn’t know?”</p>
<p>“I <em>told</em> you? I don’t know what other people feel? I mean, I <em>do</em> know what they’re feeling in an emotional sense, but not what’s behind the sensation? It’s not usually as clear as what you made me feel a couple of minutes before. People would have to concentrate on what they’re feeling in that exact moment, for it to be so… clear to read. Normally, it’s more like drinking a cocktail and guessing the ingredients. Emotions are seldomly clear cut like that – it’s just that the negative ones are more easily separated because I’ve had some practice with mom.” He winces, clearly nervous that Yahaba will interrupt him to argue about Gift-use again, but when that doesn’t happen, he continues: “Positive emotions are super hard to distinguish, especially when they’re as tangled as they normally are. And besides, I only checked on the team when they were feeling shitty, I try not to use my Gift when people are feeling good, I don’t want to invade their privacy.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t know… I really didn’t.” He repeats.</p>
<p>“Well,” Yahaba says, wiping his hand clean on the grass to get rid of the flowers he accidentally crushed during Kyoutani’s little speech, “I believe you – it’s not that. I just really thought you knew… I’m sorry about shouting, then. I should’ve just asked… but I was <em>so sure,</em> and when I realized that you knew… Or, at least, when I thought that you knew…”</p>
<p>He swallows, reevaluating his own stupidity, when a memory drifts to the forefront of his mind and he reconsiders. At least he’s not the only dumb one out of the two of them.</p>
<p>“So does that mean that you honestly think I just ask <em>all</em> of our teammates if they’ve kissed people before, the way I did with you? When I asked to-… Y’know, practice?”</p>
<p>The embarrassment of repeating his shitty flirting turns out to be worth it – if only because he can see Kyoutani pout as he looks down and starts playing with some of the flowers too, in a failed effort to escape Yahaba’s incredulity.</p>
<p>He doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t have to – and Yahaba frees the poor flower from Kyoutani’s grip before he pulls even more flower petals out.</p>
<p>“You’re going to destroy my pretty flower garden.”</p>
<p>“Yes, sorry. I hear they flourish well on knees, this time of year.”</p>
<p>Yahaba ignores the jab and starts to play with Kentarou’s fingers instead of the small plants, as he waits for the other’s pout to melt away. He is only a little uncomfortable with how vulnerable he sounds as he steals himself to ask one last question. But he doesn’t want to assume things. No more miscommunications. Not ever, if he can help it. “Hey… If you’re sure you like me too, then this means we can…? I mean, you want to go on a date, right? Despite everything that happened?”</p>
<p>Kyoutani nods, his eyes warm as he stares at the way Yahaba is clasping his hand and intertwining their fingers. “Even if you know that I’m going to want to talk about… I know this isn’t the right time, and all, but even if you know I’ll want to talk about the Gift-use again? Purely because I care? I swear that that’s all there is to it.”</p>
<p>“It’s alright,” Kyoutani says softly. “I started realizing a while ago that something has to change, maybe. We can try again. Talking. Later.”</p>
<p>Yahaba nods, relieved.</p>
<p>“And the date-thing is fine too, by the way. After all, you still need that practice you asked me about, right?”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>And when Shigeru finally <em>does</em> kiss Kentarou, a couple of weeks later, he doesn’t need a Gift to see the way his boyfriend’s happiness is radiating off of him – as bright as the golden sunshine hidden behind his eyelids.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A short comment before my more serious thoughts; it's a clause in my contract that the last line of my fics always need to be dramatic. xD Can't help it, sorry not sorry :p<br/>Thank you to everyone who commented or will comment on this chapter in the future! ^^ It really makes my day!</p>
<p>Edit: A link to the wonderful work that I commissioned from Lissa: you can spot it on <a href="https://twitter.com/15_mnc/status/1376624616697892868">this link to the work on their Twitter</a>! I've been a fan of their work for a very long time now, so I'm very happy that I got to commission this! ^^</p>
<p>Edit2: My lovely friend Marina made <a href="https://twitter.com/marinaumiartist/status/1378814884624875522">THIS STUNNING ART</a> as a birthday gift for my 26th birthday and I'm so friggin happy with it :') THANK YOU SO MUCH, AGAIN, MARINA!!!! I really love it!!! ❤️❤️</p>
<p>About this fic:<br/>I want to add that Yahaba’s approach of dealing with Kyoutani’s unhealthy Gift use wasn’t necessarily the best. But it’s how a lot of people react, so that’s how I did it too. People react in a lot of different ways, and I’m kinda done with the way people get mad at others because ‘they should have known from the start to do this or that’ – just shut the fuck up, people.</p>
<p>Dealing with a friend who has mental health issues can be real struggle, and there is NO ‘clear’ or ‘right’ path. I know it can be extremely frustrating – but kudo’s to those who keep supporting their friends despite the struggle! I advise calm conversations to share your concerns – try not to judge or get angry, and let the other person share their thoughts and viewpoint on the matter of well.</p>
<p>Then lastly; it’s really good to support your friends – but please keep your own mental health in mind as well! You owe <strong>YOURSELF!</strong> the primary care and love you can give, before trying to help others. I know that is not the easiest thing to grasp for a lot of people, including myself, but your friend won’t be helped if you drag yourself into a depression too. So don’t let your friends use you as a free psychologist at all times – but advise them to seek professional help (if possible) &amp; go to a real one.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please help to grow a more interactive community on AO3 by leaving kudo's and commenting on the fics you like, to support authors! (If you don't want to comment on this fic then that's okay - but please leave some nice words on someone else's! ^^) </p>
<p>Talk Tendou to me! – You can do so in the comments or on <a href="https://twitter.com/AsimiShadowborn">my main Twitter</a>, <a href="https://twitter.com/Adrawrables">my art Twitter</a>, <a href="http://riseoftheplanetofthesnapes.tumblr.com/">my main Tumblr</a> &amp; <a href="https://adrawrables.tumblr.com/">my art Tumblr</a><br/>(Other subjects are welcome too, obviously :p)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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